Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Let's get this over with.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Unqualified U of C alum of the Day
"The most important artwork of the 20th century is (drum roll, please) . . .

" Les Demoiselles d'Avignon," the 1907 painting of five prostitutes by Pablo Picasso that helped to usher in cubism, says economist David W. Galenson of the University of Chicago."

The elderly abuse animals.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Welcome back

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Quintessential U of C alum of the day
"He balanced his high school work with extra classes for gifted students at the University of Chicago's lab school and played accordion on the street"

(registration required, but not necessary. That one sentence says it all. )

This old person gets it.
"Plus, all your friends who had the sense to go to the pub three times a week for beer and cigarettes instead of doing the unicycling and cabbage eating will have popped their clogs long ago and youĂ‚’ll have nobody to enjoy all this hard-won old age with anyway"

Saturday, February 25, 2006


You're next, Matlock!

Friday, February 24, 2006

How long has this been going on?

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

TV Ready U of C alum of the day
"The Apprentice" (8 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): On Donald Trump's new season, the local is Theresa, a Northwestern and University of Chicago grad who, at 36, owns a psychotherapy wellness center and runs a real-estate company."

The elderly endanger everyone

Also, Picture Friday!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Amway Nation, part 8

I expect to see pigs sweetly soaring over treetops tomorrow! A West Michigan TV station talks about the Scam Candidate without reading straight from an Amway press release.

"First, DeVos says he's a jobs creator. The claim, according to his campaign, refers to his years as the head of Amway, his work with Grand Action, and another business endeavor - the Windquest Group.

How many jobs? Again, according to the campaign, thousands. But it is impossible to know how many jobs DeVos can be directly credited with.

On the other hand, Amway went through a significant restructuring with DeVos at the helm. As many as 1,300 hundred jobs were eliminated while he was president of the company now known as Alitcor."

The weekend is in sight.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

What's the big deal?
"several "Strictly Thuggin'" theme parties that took place at the University of Chicago, where white students dressed up like their favorite hip-hop icons from BET and MTV. "

Lou Reed sang probably the most concise statement of white rock and roll: "I wish I was black." If you have cable, turn on MTV. Watch Road Rules Challenge or whatever preppy drama crap they have on now. Then, turn to BET. Which world do you find more interesting? Read Catcher in the Rye, followed by Invisible Man. Which more closely resembles reality?

I don't think Russell Simmons or Piddy is really going to be upset if wealthy white kids are trying to emulate the fashion. That's how they got rich. So, there you go. I may be wrong.

Now, back to hatin' on the elderly.
The elderly will expose themselves to strangers.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Hope all is well out there.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

International Criminal U of C alum of the Day

More elderly drug trafficking.

Great Horny Toads!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Happy Preznit's Day

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day
Mallard Fillmore is our first repeat "winner."

What the hell is going on at U of C these days? Don't those nerdlingers go to the Reg anymore?

Like Mallard Fillmore, the elderly are not funny.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Amway Nation, part 7

The ad for the scam campaign for governor.

Dick DeVos, speaking in a voiceover: "It's an injustice when there are people in this state who are willing to work and they can't find work here. These are great people. These are folks who want to work and maybe through no fault of their own, their prior company went out of business. The next governor of Michigan has got to change that. I'm Dick DeVos. A Michigan manufacturer. I'm a job-maker. I haven't spent my life in politics. We have a tremendous amount in this state to offer, but unfortunately we're not putting it together right now. We need to be expanding opportunity. We've demonstrated very clearly that Michigan manufacturing, Michigan-made products can compete in every corner of the world. Life sciences, biotechnologies offer tremendous opportunities for us to diversify the economic base of our state. I believe as governor, I have to work for change. With all our strengths, it's time to pull together, get things done — and take Michigan in a new direction."

A reminder of key facts about Amway is in order:
1. You inherited the business, DICK.
2. Until very recently, those products could only be purchased through a distributor intent on "recruiting" you. Way to put products on the market.
3. A large part of the Amway ethos is that J-O-Bs are for losers.

Also, DICK. Stop saying "work for change." Who Moved My Cheese is so 2000.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

The old are ironic folks.

It's like an O. Henry story, but with old people!
"The Honorable Bobby Flanders did the only thing he could possibly do; he whipped out the AARP card. To any camera that would gaze upon him, he would favor them with stories of how these geriatrics had built this country. He would of course also tell them that any sort of on the road testing for seniors, and seniors only, smacked of prejudice against the elderly."

Friday, February 17, 2006

Hideous Picture Friday!

This is what happens when Dick Cheney shoots somebody in the face.

It is very very cold.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

No U of C Alumni Notes today. I'm in too good a mood.

This is what happens to companies when they get put on The List.
"Part of Edmondson's current plan is to close as many as 700 of RadioShack's 5,000 stores--at an approximate cost of $100 million--in the wake of a downbeat fourth-quarter earnings report that sent its stock tumbling 8% on Friday to a new 52-week low."

The elderly deal drugs.
"Police say they raided the Fair Haven home of 77-year-old Steven Smith. Inside they found 14-thousand dollars in pot."

Thursday, February 16, 2006

You people get it.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Crappy U of C notes
Goodbye, Smokers' Hallway. Those who were there know.

Why do the elderly keep running their cars into buildings? Latest victim: PetSmart.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


"I shot a man in Texas,
just to watch him die."

"Early one mornin while makin the rounds,
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot an old man down!"

Almost Thursday!

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day>

Obesity-denying U of C alum of the day

What's an old man doing at Disney World anyway?

Good for them. I wouldn't want an old folks house near me, either. The smell, you know.

The elderly will run you over without hesitation.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentines Day

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

All-too-naive U of C alum of the day
" "Mom, I think I met the smartest man in world this week." I had just begun as a first year law student at the University of Chicago almost 28 years ago and was calling home to report on the first week of classes. "Are you sure, dear?" she responded carefully, "The world is rather large, you know." "

The elderly will try to run you over in your own home.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Andy Rooney.

Still batshit crazy.

Old people shouldn't have guns.

This time, it's the batshit crazy evil Vice President.
"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday."

How much damn evidence does this country need? These people are dangerous even to their friends. Look at this face:

People who make that face do not "accidentally" shoot people.

It's Sunday. Go to Church.

Lots to do today, but here's a few notes of interest to those battling the elderly menace.

This person stole my idea.
"What if, rather than pester high school students (and their parents) about enlisting, military recruiters focused their efforts on nursing home residents? Sure, many with advanced Alzheimer's or hooked up to Foley catheters might be unenthusiastic about military service, but I guarantee you that some World War II vets who haven't really felt significant since 1945 would be happy to make use of their still-valid driver's licenses in the service of their country. "

My idea goes even further, requiring military service from professional athletes, too. But this is a start.

How unfunny is BC? Even old people are offended by it:
"I found the Feb. 4 comic strip "B.C.," by Johnny Hart, offensive and insulting to senior citizens. ... His strip often contains veiled political and religious innuendoes, but this one is so blatant I felt compelled to object. If this is the bent he chooses for his comic strip, perhaps it is time to relegate "B.C." to the Classified section, along with "Doonesbury" and "Boondocks."



Amway Nation, part 6

The sham campaign for Governor continues.
"But what would DeVos do about Medicaid? It's the state's fastest-growing budget problem, consuming one of every four state tax dollars.
"Who knows what the situation will be a year from now?" he said. "Strategies and solutions will be developed over time. There are other program ideas being developed in other states. Other governors are looking at creative solutions." "

I'll translate that for you:
"I, Dick DeVos, head of the world's largest pyramid scheme, that my dad cooked up, have no frikkin' clue what I'd do if I became governor. None. What is this Medicaid you speak of?"

Michigan, again I beg of you. Do not give this man any authority whatsoever.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Don't read this if you're eating.

The elderly make horrible doctors.
"Police alleged Dr. Joseph T. Matarazzo, 77, wrote more than 100 fraudulent prescriptions over two years in exchange for oral sex, The Patriot Ledger of Quincy reported."

Can you spot the nonsequitur?

Another batshit crazy old person writes in to everyone's favorite hometown paper. Why do they keep publishing these letters? If anybody under the age of "ancient" wrote a letter to the editor making this much sense, it would get laughed at, then shredded.

Attacks on Bush

Since the day George Bush won reelection the "other side" has kept up a constant barrage of vicious attacks, which include the screamers, Al Gore and Howard Dean. He is consistently called a liar, though he is not! John McCain says those who call our president a liar, are the real liars.

They tried to get Vice President Cheney and Karl Rove removed, and recently the Supreme Court Justice Alito. Hillary Clinton said, "I say Republicans run the House like a plantation. . ." The list goes on. The war argument goes on, but those who think it was wrong should tell that to the millions of Iraqi people who streamed to the voting places, and are rejoicing that the 30-year reign of terror under the brutal dictator is over. I was in high school during the four years of World War II.

After Pearl Harbor, President Roosevelt declared war on Japan, and joined the war in Germany to rid the world of Adolph Hitler. More than 400,000 American service men lost their lives in that long conflict. But all Americans stood behind him.

In this war, the Bush haters must make the terrorists think what they are doing is OK if so many Americans hate their own president. These include a good share of Democrats, Hollywood, Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan and Harry Belafonte. We all mourn the loss of every soldier killed, but remember.

As adults, they joined the service because they wanted to, knowing what could lie ahead. Now, why do people who reject war, still fight for a woman's "right to choose"? Since when is it anyone's right to kill another human being? The "left" is helping them. In the end, it's all political, and can be summed up in just two words. Bush won!


Thursday, February 09, 2006

I now fully understand...

that "Everyone's Working for the Weekend" song.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day.
I didn't realize Li'l Orphan Annie was drawn by a proto-neo-con (ya like that one?). Now my mind's really working. Harold Gray hated FDR. The movie version came out in 1982, when Reagan was going about dismantling the New Deal...well, if I were in a film class, I'd care. Discuss. Odd juxtapositions of old works being brought into different contexts are always interesting. See the ending of The Natural.

You're still reading this?

"quasi-Marxist, quasi-fascist " U of C Alum of the Day

The word about the elderly menace continues to spread. Welcome, Aussies!
" "Boomers are particularly skilled at whining and slutting their way into society's spotlight," writes 25-year-old Heath, "but the unalienable truth is that history doesn't end with them." Australia is an "old person's paradise," he says, an "Adelaide writ large." No-one is safe from insult. "

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Amway Nation, part 5

Dick DeVos

The Kid from Deliverance

I always wondered what happened to that kid...Now, sadly, I know.

Three days straight of perfect attendance

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Hitler Youth U of C alum of the Day
"The controversy centers on Hitchcock Hall, where a first-year student wrote a racially charged message on another student’s message board. "
Proof that being a nerd and being a f**kin' shite aren't mutually exclusive.

The elderly don't want to be near children.

Put the "Fun" back in "Fundamentalists!"

Imminent Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day. Why won't the rioters do what I did when I got violently angry at a cartoon? I started a blog. I didn't start publishing my own unfunny comic strip. Although, that's an idea.

All I'm saying is that if I reacted this way over cartoons that "offended" me, Jonny Hart's house would have burnt down a long ago.

Jesus, look at the time. Ol' Frankie Machine's got to get some shuteye.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Sorry for the delay.

But this wakin' up for work crap is NUTS. How people do it, day in and day out, till they die is beyond me.
Well, I hope it's beyond me. It's not something I want to keep experiencing first hand. That's why today, I bought a lottery ticket.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Incredibly bored U of C alum of the Day

The elderly are predators. Pure and simple.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Amway Nation, part 4

Dick DeVos and his ephemeral plan for Michigan.
``I'm running for governor to make change happen,'' he told the audience of about 80 business leaders and area government officials at the second annual forum on job growth and retention at the Radisson Plaza Hotel & Suites.

He then handed out copies of Who Moved My Cheese and told everyone assembled to make their staff read it.

So, that last part never happened, but it could have.

Marion Barry

Late night Marion Barry sighting! With some fantastic commentary:

"Of course I would make a bunch of jokes about Barry. Such as, when he said that drugs need to be taken out of the community, that he was thinking “…and brought over to my crib!” Or that Barry should be forced to take a drug test anytime he denounces drugs. Or that if he thinks his youth summit will keep kids away from drugs that he should next host an elderly summit so that former DC mayors will stay off drugs. But then, I would be digressing. "

Edit: A good article on Mr. Barry, recommended by Casey.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Less than 48 hours...

before I go back to the workplace. Posting will probably occur in the evenings from now on, and a day may be missed now and then, but I will soldier on to update you on the violent subculture of the elderly. Complacency is our enemy here, folks. We can't turn our back on them for a second, and vigilance is our most potent weapon.

So, with that said...
The elderly still want to put you on a curfew.
"An elderly resident on the other side of the argument also declined to be named, fearing his neighbors would be angry with him. But he said the curfew is a welcome change.

"I think it's going to be beautiful," he said. "It's going to make a big difference, keep the kids from running around all night long." "

From Iowa, a one man geriatric crime wave. This guy really needs to be locked up.

The elderly think traffic accidents are funny.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Taking the day off

If you haven't figured that out already.
What's the point of being unemployed if you can't go on the nod for most of Friday? But, I'll give you a picture to get you to the weekend with a smile:

All impressions of Hawaii have now been ruined.

A corker of an idea!

Those crazy college kids may be on to something.
"Thankfully, we don't have to sail to Scandinavia or give our kids embarrassing names in order to support the elderly and not come off as bleeding heart liberals. If I may be so bold, I would like to propose a nation-wide "zooification" program for the elderly.

For twenty bucks a pop, us normal people can stroll through finely tailored gardens, cotton candy and salted peanuts in hand, and laugh at the wonder of God's most awkward creatures."

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Amway Nation, part 3

In terms of batshit crazy, it's hard to top the posters at freerepublic.com. Thus, the response to this article from a year ago surprised me. If DeVos can't even pull the batshit crazy vote, he's got some serious problems.

Although, as many an Amway zombie has said, "When the dream is big enough, the facts don't matter."

Have I mentioned how much I hate the DeVos family?

Best quote:
"Dick Devos governor of Michigan? Gee, I wonder how long it will take him to implement Me-You-6-4-2 mathematics into their school system and make it a mandated requirement for graduation.
Get real, the guy is a scam artist of the first order (and his wife is shrewy scary on top of it)."

EditA good post on a recent media appearance by Amway Dick.
"But ultimately, listening to DeVos, the founder of Amway/Alticor, talk about creating good, sustainable, well-paying jobs is like having Ken Lay tell you how to protect pensions. "


So, my business on the West Side got wrapped up early (asses were capped more easily than anticipated).

It's been a while since West Michigan letters to the Editor were featured, so here's a good one. I'll be a roadie for Winger if Willie Bell isn't a batshit crazy old person.

Kick out evolutionists

It's time to stop this foolishness ("Don't promote religion," Public Pulse letter by Gayle Schroder, Jan. 13). If Ms. Schroder wants public schools free of religion, she should sue the National Education Association (NEA) and kick out the religion of evolution also! (Mother Nature is their God).

Religion is the recognition on the part of man of a controlling superhuman power entitled to obedience, reverence and worship. It is a particular system of faith.

Faith is confidence or trust in a person or thing, loyalty to a belief not substantiated by proof and spiritual acceptance of truth or realities not certified by reason. A fact is something that has really happened as is distinguished from something merely believed to be so.

Evolution is the descent of all living things from a few simple forms of life (a doctrine!). The National Education Association and others have no way of knowing how life began. They were not there. Under the guise of science, they have taught their faith as science.

Science has never witnessed a progeny give birth to anything else but another parent (evolution's Achilles heel). This fact alone proves that their faith is not science, but science fiction.

My questions for Ms. Schroder are these: Which state's Congress were the founding fathers referring to?

They said "Congress," not "Congresses." And why did she leave out the main part of the First Amendment? ". . .nor prohibiting the free exercise of; or abridging the freedom of speech. . ." Evolutionists should go build their own religious schools, stop taxing us and indoctrinating our kids in their faith. Kick them out. Sue the NEA.


More Advanced Posting

Some craziness is going to keep me on the West Side all day tomorrow, so I'm posting in advance again. Have fun out there, peeps.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Today's U of C alum notes are presented by a Positively Unemployed research assistant and future lawyer:

"My prof today noted that this man [ed.--Brainerd Currie], who really got the CA and NY courts to change course big time, leading the American
Revolution in how our courts work, was a Chicago professor, a "Mad
Genius." I didn't know this until he mentioned it, as it's not listed
in the book where he worked. But you can just tell, and it makes
sense once you hear it he was a Chicago dork. He's the one that made
it acceptable for judges to say "The State of Illinois has a greater
interest in this matter than New York. Fuck you, New York!"

Why did he go Mad? Because he became so obsessed with the legal
problem of conflicting laws, once he moved onto Duke after the 50s at
Chicago, he was eventually found literally climbing a tree shouting,
"True Conflict! Apparent Conflict! False Conflict!" He died crazy,
at 53. God, I love that! Poor bastard. Tell me you Chicago fuckers
don't feel somewhat sorry for some dork losing it finally there....

Only those who have been to University of Chicago know why this
happens , this going Mad. This is why I resent comparisons by the HR
currency elite of grades to other institutions. For some schlep from
the midwest with nothing, I survived the fire, even doing well at
times. Just like you fuckers! I sort of like the Chicago madness
when not forced to deal with it at 18."

Editors note: Why Wonkette has a book deal, and this gentleman doesn't, is the great shame of American letters.

The elderly try to run over police officers.
"The hit-and-run driver, who turned out to be a senior citizen, was cited for failure to slow down or move over while passing an emergency vehicle displaying flashing lights and also ticketed for failure to stop and render aid in an accident with injuries."

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A Glimpse Into The Future

I'm going to be away from the crackhouse all day tomorrow, so I'm posting this one in advance.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

"Impoverished" U of C alum of the Day
"Carroll says he would have received $2,000 to speak at the conference, a similar sum if he published his talk in their anthology, and a chance at a $10,000 prize for scientists under 40. For an impoverished academic trying to scrape by, that's alluring. Says Carroll: "That's money I could have used to, say, buy a car!" "

More on the elderly rampage in Japan.
"In most cases, the strangling or stabbing was by a husband or wife who had found that after more than 50 years of marriage they could no longer stand their spouse."

I leave you these words from batshit crazy (but alliterative) Paul Harvey:
"Without advertising in this country, my goodness, we'd still be in this country what Russia mostly still is: a nation of bearded bicyclists with b.o."