Friday, June 30, 2006

Rerun picture Friday!

Got a little distracted this week. Deal with it.
It's summer, so you should be used to reruns.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

It's nice out

Goin' to the Lake with the soon-to-be Mrs. Machine.
Have a nice evening.
Go read indebitus.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Tattoo You

Again, for my friend Kyle. He's been having a rough week.

An apology is due

To Six Chix. I think I named them an Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day at one point.
Well, I take it back.
Here is why.

That's so refreshing.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

All politics is Local Sunday!

This is a pretty revealing story about Grand Rapids. Violence is spiking. So what do the community leaders want to do about it?
[County Commissioner] Mayhue has another idea to reduce violence: a peace summit involving gangs. He said pastors Charlie Jones and Kenny Hoskins have agreed to let their churches be meeting places.

Jones, pastor of Macedonia Missionary Baptist Church on Dennis Avenue SE, said: "It would be a joy to see them there. It doesn't bother me one ounce on who they are."

What kind of shithead talk is that? I think ol' Pastor Jones ought to visit a child paralyzed by gang crossfire before he goes Jesusing off on how it would be a joy to see gang members.

Also, I hate the following company for two reasons. Guess what they are.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Had a lot of tea at dinner

Random comment:
I think if you're gonna make a movie about the Titanic, the song you should use is Blind Willie Johnson's "God Moves On The Water."
Ah, Lord, ah, Lord

Year of nineteen hundred and twelve, April the fourteenth day
Great Titanic struck an iceberg, people had to run and pray
God moves, moves, God moves, ah, and the people had to run and pray

The guards who had been a-watching, asleep 'cause they were tired
When they heard the great excitement, then a gunshot was fired
God moves, moves, God moves, ah, and the people had to run and pray

Captain Smith gave orders, women and children first
Many of the lifeboats piled right up, many were liable to crush
God moves on, God moves, God moves, ah, and the people had to run and pray


So many had to leave their happy home, all that they possess
Lord Jesus, will you hear us now, help us in our distress
God moves, God moves, God moves, ah, people had to run and pray

Women had to leave their loving ones, see 'bout their safety
When they heard the liner was doomed, hearts did almost break
God moves, God moves, God moves, ah, and the people had to run and pray

A.G. Smith, mighty man, built a boat that he couldn't understand
Named it a name of God in a tin, without a "c", Lord, he pulled it in
God moves, ah, God moves, God moves, ah, and the people had to run and pray

(spoken: Well) Ahh, ah, Lord

But no. The moviegoing public wanted leatherfaced mongoose lady, and that's what they got.

Amway Nation, part 20

DICK Devos comes out in favor of more brain damaged people.
Last week, the Michigan Legislature did something designed to make both things worse. It repealed the law requiring motorcycle riders to wear helmets.
Republican leaders in the legislature, with GOP gubernatorial candidate Dick DeVos, praised the decision. "Thirty other states have done this; it is time for Michigan to do this," said House Speaker Craig DeRoche (R., Novi).

No wonder DeVos wants motorcycle riders not wearing helmets. It means more brain damaged people to be recruited into his pyramid scheme.

And anybody who thinks I'm being insensitive doesn't know Frankie Machine.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Picture Friday!

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day
And when I say "unfunny," I mean, "Dead Serious."

This is what the comics page has descended to. Moral frikkin' depravity. I'm surprised the artist didn't depict the young man in a pizza delivery uniform.

No matter how smart they think they are, University of Chicago students have to ride the short bus.

The elderly are now going after the nation's supplies of Slurpees.
Police said an 84-year-old man got lost and tried to stop at a 7-Eleven in Falls Church for directions.

But he accidentally hit the gas pedal instead of the brake and police said the man drove the car right through the store.

This was no accident.

This is how it starts.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The crap runneth over.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day
Man, the smut parade continues. When did Aunt Fritzie get all skanky?

Beatdown-worthy U of C alum of the Day

The elderly keep trying to evade the justice system.
"This is the youngest jury pool I've ever seen," said Driskell's attorney, Deborah Poole. "Most of these people look under 30. How does one have a trial when you are not able to include a whole class of people in the jury?"

Here's a chilling bit from the story:
Some jurors were young enough to be Driskell's grandchildren or great-grandchildren.

Juror No. 21, a tow-headed young man in a T-shirt and cargo shorts, appeared barely old enough to vote.

What tripe. If he was called for jury service, that means he IS old enough to vote. Why is CNN telling us that younger people shouldn't be trusted on a jury? Send 'em to die in Iraq, sure. Take their tax dollars to pay for Social Security, cool. But have them sit on a jury to decide a case in which the following occurred:
[She] drew an antique handgun she had hidden behind her back, put the gun to Winslow's head and fired up to four times, Atlanta Detective D.B. Mathis said.

"I did it and I'd do it again!" Driskell was quoted as yelling to the officers who found her waving the gun and holding her finger on the trigger when they arrived.

Why, that would be denying an old person her constitutional rights.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Feeling a sick day coming on.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Defrauding U of C Alum of the Day
The Colorado Attorney General’s Office on Thursday announced the indictment of a former Boulder County commissioner and nine others in connection with a nonprofit bingo scheme that officials believe netted them millions.

Former Commissioner Homer Page, 64, was among those wanted in the scheme and has a warrant for his arrest
Page served as a Boulder County commissioner from 1988 to 1995 and as a Boulder City Council member from 1982 to 1988. Blind from birth, he was well-known in the community as an activist for the blind and disabled and holds a doctorate degree in social and political ethics from the University of Chicago.

The elderly are invading Pittsburgh
Apparently, Florida wasn't enough for them. History tells us we cannot appease invaders. I think another battle of Gettysburg is brewing.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

More on Giant Van Lines

Gabriel Suissa, the criminal owner of Giant Van Lines, is about to get some serious payback.
Gabriel Suissa has 5 different warrants for his arrest in the State of Maryland,
For threats to kill someone, burn his house, come after this guy’s family etc.
Gabriel Suissa was stupid enough to leave 50 massages on this guy’s voice mail, and the local authorities have a translated copy of these massages.
If you see Gabe Suissa or know where he his, please call 911 as right now Gabriel Suissa is a fugitive.

If there's a trial, I will be soliciting reader donations to help defray the cost of an airline ticket so I can go see the look on his face when he is sentenced. There will be laughter.

Amway Nation, part 19

DICK Devos intends to get rich off being Governor.

On this campaign, he is telling folk that he wants to boost spending for education. Again he has no specifics, but his record shows that he has no love for Michigan public schools. In 2000, he personally financed and led a divisive campaign to gut public school funding with a privatization scheme that was soundly defeated by Michigan voters. In 2002, he told the conservative Heritage Foundation that if he ever got the chance he would push the privatization scheme again, essentially forcing Michigan voters to waste their time and taxpayer dollars voting on his personal views, again. Imagine what he’d do as governor. On top of this, AP reports that he has investments in a private education corporation called K-12 Inc., which could see higher profits if one of its shareholders-turned-politician could dismantle Michigan’s public schools.

It's true. This article also makes a very important point:
"What is amazing to me is that the governor is fighting off an economic argument from this company," Fitzpatrick pointed out. "If you buy into the mythology that Amway offers genuine viable economic opportunity for the average person, you will be defeated from the start. In a campaign where economic policy is a major issue, what in the Amway business model is indicative of its success? If Dick DeVos is arguing that his business experience should be held up as a model, then people ought to take a closer look at the Amway business."

Friday, June 16, 2006

Mr. Machine goes to Washington

I'm off to our nation's Capitol for the weekend.
Congress wants me to testify in regard to combating the elderly menace.
I intend to track down Strom Thurmond and kick him.

Thursday, June 15, 2006


Forgive the fact that this is a comic strip from yesterday. It reaches for the nadir of funny.
For Better or For Worse.

An old person is trying to decide how his ashes should be divided.
Oh, my. That sound you heard was my gut being busted and my butt being laughed off. Simultaneously.
For Better or For Worse makes the entire comics section reek of old people.
Thanks to the genius that is The Comics Curmudgeon , which everyone here should read daily.

I mean, if you're going to laugh at the elderly, use real life stories.
The retired German man tried to get away from police after having stolen a t-shirt in a clothing shop by giving an officer a bite on the arm but only left a wet mark from his gums instead.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

We all need to drink more.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Remember the elderly woman who bit police officers?
Now she's fleeing from the law.
Now, police want to charge her with aggravated battery.
Vaughn has denied biting the officer, telling a newspaper reporter last week that his hand must have gotten in the way of her mouth.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Old People whine about EVERYTHING!

I recently discovered the AARP message boards.
I highly recommend you pay a visit, if you have a strong tolerance for whining about uncaring family.
One old codger wrote in:
I have read on here that grown adult children don't talk to their parents, won't allow them to see their grandchildren and all.
What is going on? I have never seen so much of this happening.
My one son stopped talking. Writes an occasional note. Got upset when his girlfriend e-mailed us. He broke into her e-mail reading her mail for heaven's sake.
He acts like he is better than everyone, talks down to his family, does call his other family members.
How do you handle something like this if you have and what to do?
I honestly can not believe that after years and years and years of happy times he choose this.


That got the entire set of the movie Cocoon talking. Some highlights:
My parents raised 8 in the same house, same income, same food, same town, same church, same school, same etc. and one does not mix - what so ever - with the rest of we 7. I say more Gumbo for us.
Jesus had 12 desiciples but Judas wanted to go his own way.

And this:
Our parents went through the depression, we had little and appreciated much but this gneration are spoiled, have been bailed out over and over and have an attitude problem.

And hallelujah, do they give way too much information:
Yeah it seem to be this generation. They want to have contoll. This is what psychologists and sociologists call the "me" generatin. Me Me Me Me Me. Look at me and allthe material things we have. There is no more need for the extended family. It is nowonly the nueclear family that is important. As many of you have stated, "we would not have treated our parents like this no mater how bad they were to us. My parents beat us with belts, cussed and swore at us, called us names.

Like I said, for comic gold, this site can't be beat.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Hope the weekend treated you well.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day
I hate Heathcliff for so many reasons, but the old lady in a french maid outfit made me punch a wall in rage.

Bluesman U of C alum of the Day
The Lightnin' Dawg wasn't the only one making the guitar scream, you know.

Finally! An old person admits it!
And I’d have a “voice in Washington” about issues that concern old people, which is really almost every issue because we old people can get pretty whiny.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Andy Rooney

Need I remind you, is batshit crazy.
If you had an elderly relative who arranged multiple pairs of shoes on his desk, like this...

you'd worry, wouldn't you?
I'm not sure what to do with an old person who does such things, but giving them 10 minutes on national TV to blabber sounds like a bad idea.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Book Club Saturday

Mirror to America : The Autobiography of John Hope Franklin
I read about this book in the New York Times this morning.

It beats the stuffing out of the myths about the Greatest Generation being these noble self-sacrificing Hectors.
Fact is, the Greatest Generation was and still is racist, and bears a great deal of responsibility for the atrocious state of race relations in America.
From the Times:
Indeed, the people who led the country in the 40's and fought the war have been transformed from mere mortals--with faults like the rest of us--into sudden secular saints. They were dubbed "the greatest generation" and made out to be peerless in bravery and moral rectitude.
But when it comes to racial justice, any claim of moral superiority is false on its face.

Go read this book.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Scary Picture Friday!

(in advance)

It's an old person,
and Katherine Harris,
and they're KISSING.

You got Gramps thinking he's just liberated Paris again, and Katherine is hoping he doesn't remember how he had his vote nullified in 2000.

Nerds. Nerds. Nerds.

A break from the traditional lineup.
There's apparently a big Nerdapalooza called DragonCon every year. And somebody (obviously male) took a lot of pictures. (Some photos may not be safe for work.)
In the slideshow I linked to, there is this picture:

Which should give you some idea of DragonCon's clientele. Bespectacled asthmatic Jedi.

If you peruse the slideshow, you'll see a disproportionate number of pictures of women attired in what are called costumes. More respectable folks would call it bordellowear.
My point is, the women at DragonCon are outnumbered by a factor of 10 (see, I can talk nerd, too). The last woman the average Poindexter talked to was named "Mom." And still, these ladies feel to get the attention of the Jedi bachelors there, they must exhibit themselves brazenly. Clearly, deportment is not taught at Starfleet Academy.
A word to the nerdettes: If you must seek companionship at these comic book social petri dishes, dress casually. You don't even have to shower (it's a safe bet the guys didn't). That way, any men you may snag (shudder) will know and appreciate the true you. After all, when you engage in your nerd fertility rites dressed like Mrs. Fantastic, what assurance do you have his feelings will be there when the fantasy ends?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Well played.

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Republican U of C alum of the day.
Another damn University of Chicago politician.

The elderly bite police officers.
"His mother became irate," Stewart said. "She and one officer had a disagreement. As he was trying to arrest her for obstructing, she bit him on the hand."


Husband of a good friend of mine did this. Very funny.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Good to be back.

Thousand thanks to B-licious. Here we go!

Unfunny Comic Strip of the Day

Feisty Bastard U of C alum of the day

Freaky Story for Tuesday.
Ambassadors Ministries, a group based in the Netherlands, called its 24-hour prayer vigil from 6pm (1600 GMT) on Monday, saying it hoped that about 2,000 Dutch Christians, would take part.

The elderly are now having hammerfights.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Old people shouldn't take airplanes.

Posting to resume tomorrow.
Old people shove their posteriors into other people's faces on airplanes.
No link. Just stating a fact.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Two Awesome Words: Elderly Munchkins

B-Licious here.

I recently went to "Ozmania" at a convention center in Syracuse, New York. What was Ozmania? Why, an darn good excuse to display the eight surviving munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. Several of them even tried to convince me that they had been in other movies I might want to watch!

Overall, they were ornery and probably drunk. To the right, you see me (in a clever disguise) infiltrating the convention. After posing for the picture, the old man munckin told me, "You're a weak baby. You're weak, you weak baby," and then he kicked me in the shin. The lesson? Do not trust the elderly, especially those who can hide in small spaces.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


A common equation
Drugs, gun, law enforcement, and an old person.

Ol' Frankie's returning to Sweet Home Chicago tomorrow. He's gonna visit the old neighborhood and have a few beers on Milwaukee.

Posting will return Monday, but B-Licious may decide to enlighten you on a few points.