Sunday, April 27, 2008

Old Man Huggies

Hey. If you LIKE what's happened to this country over the past eight years, by all means, vote for John McCain.

From a strategic point, I like this ad. The Democrat who has to face his ancient, leathery, liver-spotted visage (Sorry, Hillary. Not you.) needs to tie him to George Bush at every opportunity. Show that picture of the hug. Run this video. Over. And over. Lash that drunken albatross around McCain's neck in wrought iron chains.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Old Man Huggies Double Talk

This is why the elderly menace is such a menace. Because there is no internal logic to their spouting, and they forget what they have said anyway, everything they say at any given moment might be what they will intend to possibly do if given the reins of power in this republic.

Or, it might not be.

Sure, I know that's EVERY politician. But at least with the rest of them, you KNOW they're blowing smoke. With Old Man Huggies, there's a good chance he might be serious about staying in Iraq for 100 years, or he might think the response to Katrina was perfect and appropriate. We simply can't take that chance.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Dear Amtrak:

This is how it's done:

A Eurostar train that left London for Paris on Friday evening finally pulled into Gare du Nord yesterday morning after a night of railway mishaps.

At one point, its 643 passengers fumbled through the French countryside in pitch darkness. The train, which had left St Pancras at 8.05pm, eventually rolled into Paris 12 hours and three locomotives later.

It was met by officials offering free breakfasts, compensation, profuse apologies and an immediate investigation.

The journey, that was due to take two hours and 31 minutes, actually lasted nearly 10 hours longer and first hit problems at Lille.

I was once on a train that was supposed to get me from Chicago to Jackson, MI in five hours. I arrived twelve hours late. I was given no breakfast, no apology, and no compensation. I remember lighting a cigarette as I walked through the train station, and somebody vainly telling me smoking was not allowed.

A side note: A free breakfast in Paris must be one of life's sublime joys. I shall have to investigate.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Anodyne for a tough week.

Hints of Uncle Tupelo.
I hope everybody back in Just The Other Side of Nowhere is alright.
The quake occurred in the Illinois Basin-Ozark Dome region, which covers parts of Indiana, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri and Arkansas and stretches from Indianapolis and St. Louis to Memphis, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

The organization's Web site said earthquakes occur irregularly in the area and that the largest historical earthquake in the region caused damage in southern Illinois in 1968.

The region is located in an area bordering the much more seismically active New Madrid seismic zone, according to the geological survey's Web site. In 1811 and 1812, the New Madrid fault produced a series of earthquakes estimated at magnitude 7.0 or greater.

To quote:
"All my daydreams are disasters
She's the one I think I love
Rivers burn and then run backwards
For her, that's enough
They all come from New York City
And they woke me up at dawn
She walked with me to the fountain
And she held onto my arm
Come on, do what you did
Roll me under New Madrid
Shake my baby and please bring her back
'Cause death won't even be still
Caroms over the landfill
Buries us all in its broken back
There's a man of conviction
And although he's getting old
Mr. Browning has a prediction
And we've all been told
So come on back from New York City
Roll your trucks in at dawn
Walk with me to the fountain
And hold onto my arm
Come on, do what you did
Roll me under New Madrid
Shake my baby and please bring her back
'Cause death won't even be still
Caroms over the landfill
Buries us all in its broken back"

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Has it really been more than two weeks?

Yes. Yes it has.

A lot has happened. But I would like to address something which bothers me today. To do that, I would like to direct this post to Bruce Springsteen.
Bruce, stop endorsing Democratic presidential candidates.

I know your heart's in the right place, and I'm right on the balustrades with you, but John Kerry didn't do so well once you endorsed him. Change your strategy: Endorse Old Man Huggies. Say he's the greatest thing ever. Say you wrote "Born in the USA" about him. It just might work.

I love you, Boss. But I don't think we should take any chances with this election.


Frankie Machine