Monday, January 28, 2008


Verily, I say. How can my commentary about Grampaw Fred and Old Man Huggies be considered any less valid or pressing than the questions that spew forth from the mouths of these jamokes?
These respected members of the chattering class get all worked up over UFOs and Chuck Norris, and actually get to ask candidates these questions to their face on national TV.
And here I am, in the blogosphere wilderness, demanding that something be done about the very real, and very dangerous, Elderly Menace.
As I've said before, I want Chris Matthews' job. I don't care if a presidential candidate is black or white or a woman or a man...I just don't want an old person in charge of things anymore. And I can tell you...America agrees with me.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Old Man Huggies

I'm Huggy the Sailor Man,
I live in a garbage can...

(How does the rest of that song go?)
Enough! I'll be back through the week with such childish, intelligence-insulting, irrelevant commentary. And so will Chris Matthews.

Thursday, January 24, 2008


For the purpose of this blog's re-focused campaign against the elderly menace, I shall hereafter refer to John McCain as "Old Man Huggies."

Resting Up

Will post something good and brilliant soon.
Until then, keep watching yourself.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Pruneface is Out!

Codger by codger, we are defeating the elderly menace!

Today it is Grampaw Fred Thompson.
John McCain, you are next. I'm battin' a thousand, Johnny. I like my odds.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Bedtime for Pruneface

Who are you fooling, Fred?

It's over. Quit. And in your concession speech, admit that I am the greatest.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Brief PSA

Could any readers please click on "Terrierville" to the right, under "Links"? It's a little thing I think is pretty cool.


Frankie Machine

p.s. At least I'm not putting a tip jar on this blog.

I hope he quits.

Fred Thompson is getting to the point where even I am finding it unfunny.
His aides handed out “Fredzels,” which, as near as I could determine, are pretzels. Thompson maintained his folksy style.

“It’s good to be back in home territory where they know how to cook green beans!” he said.

Everybody cheered.

“And they are not crunchy!” he continued.

Everybody cheered again.

People of South Carolina, hear my plea! Needing to gum one's beans is not a good qualification to be president! I know you may think we're crass and rude up here in what you call the Nawth, but we like our leaders to have some teeth to them.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I beat the smart kids!

Hooray, Michigan!

You beat down DeVos, and now you've given Romney a win! You like me! You really like me!

Given that I have said Fred Thompson wasn't going anywhere, and that Mitt Romney should take Michigan, I think I'm a better political analyst than Chris Matthews. I should rightfully have his job. I could do a cross-over thing with Keith Olbermann. We would rage.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Dear Michigan Democrats:

Vote Romney.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Fred Thompson. Meet Metamucil.

This blog is more influential than even I knew.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Two Stories Sure To Make You Smile

The first one.
GRAND RAPIDS -- A man who hid hunting knives in his pants to try to steal them from a western Michigan store tripped while fleeing and stabbed himself in the abdomen, police say.

And the second one.
The trouble began Tuesday when Dalaia and O'Hare tried to cash Virgilio Cintron's check at a store in Hell's Kitchen on their own, police said. The man at the counter told them that Cintron had to be present to cash the check, so they went back to his apartment, which one of the suspects shared with the dead man.
Cintron was apparently undressed when he died, sometime within the previous 24 hours. Police said Dalaia and O'Hare proceeded to dress him in a faded T-shirt, pants they could only get up part way, and a pair of Velcro sneakers. They threw a coat over his waist to conceal what the pants couldn't cover, police said.
They then put him on the office chair and wheeled the corpse over to the check-cashing store.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

One Percent!

Name Party Votes Vote %
McCain , John GOP 42,843 37%
Romney , Mitt GOP 36,514 31%
Huckabee , Mike GOP 13,041 11%
Giuliani , Rudy GOP 10,056 9%
Paul , Ron GOP 9,108 8%
Total Write-ins GOP 2,033 2%
Thompson , Fred GOP 1,375 1%

I am taking credit for this one. I have to.
I live in Boston, which is close enough for me to do battle with the Elderly Menace's New Hampshire delegation. I rose to the challenge, girded my loins, and swaggered into battle.
The clock is ticking, Pruneface. Quit. Your day is past.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Thoughts on a Friday night

What America needs, according to this pundit, is a couple of cultural ambassadors.
Johnny Cash. Louis Armstrong.
These guys made the rest of the world love America. I once read a letter to a music magazine in which the writer described being in a small airport in the middle of Siberia, and an old Russian man recognized him as American and offered him the headphones he was wearing. The writer immediately recognized the bass voice of Johnny Cash, and the two, who did not speak each other's language, shared broad smiles and nods of understanding.
One of my friends, who grew up in Bulgaria under the Communists, was a huge fan of heavy metal bands, and had to rely on outlawed recordings to get his fix. When Communism fell, bands like Metallica paid special trips to Bulgaria to thank their fans for their devotion.
It doesn't get a lot of mention, but these performers that represented America also came from the lowest class. Louis Armstrong grew up playing trumpet in a New Orleans bordello, and Johnny Cash grew up picking cotton. Somehow, they made people all over the world happy, and were able to bridge the gaps of language and culture with just their breath.

I don't know why I'm writing this. It just seems like those days and people are long gone.

Then again, like Gore Vidal says, we are already living in someone else's golden age. I think Gore Vidal said that.

No matter. Go listen to some Johnny Cash. You'll know I'm right.

Lucky Number?

Scary Old Man Fred Thompson got 13% of the vote last night.

I fully expect him to drop out of the race and spend from now until January 20, 2009 complaining about how nobody respects their elders anymore.

Hang it up, Pruneface!

Thursday, January 03, 2008


Back in town.
Awaiting the results of the Iowa Caucus, and EAGERLY awaiting Grampaw Fred's dropout speech.