Positively Unemployed

Not with a bang…

2009-06-19T06:03:00.003-05:00

This will be the final post for Positively Unemployed.

For professional reasons, I feel that maintaining this blog, with its focus on the Elderly Menace and the University of Chicago alumni association (among other topics), will be at odds with my career and current outlook.

A little bit of history for those joining us late:

The year was 2005, and I was a new transplant to the “state” of Minnesota. I was recently engaged to my now-wife, and I was looking for a job because my company was undergoing budget cuts. I called up the Minneapolis representative of the University of Chicago alumni association in the hope of getting some job leads or advice. Instead, I was told, and I quote:

“Good luck.”

Maybe it was surprisingly cold that night, or the newspaper’s comic strips were particularly lame that day. But I got angry. And this blog was born. To add to the topics at which I was going to aim my righteous fury, I started pointing out news stories in which old people did bad things. I was tired of the Greatest Generation narrative surrounding anybody over the age of 65. So, the Elderly Menace came into my crosshairs.

So it went for a while, occasionally veering off-topic and picking up new pet peeves. But mainly, Positively Unemployed was a voice in the wilderness, a point of view Tom Brokaw wasn’t going to listen to, and one that wouldn’t get printed in the letters to the editor section of your local fishwrapper.

But, like Bob Dylan says, things have changed.

For one thing, I am now a full time employee with a steady job and a career track. I am no longer Positively Unemployed. I have an MBA, and as Mrs. Machine tells me, I kept my soul.

Second, I feel this blog has served its purpose. In looking back, we can take pride in some achievements that occurred here.

1. This blog helped defeat Fred Thompson and John McCain, two old people who would have done the republic great harm.
2. We were featured in Minnesota Monthly magazine for our petition asking that Minnesota have its statehood revoked. In fact, Senator Al Franken is more of a statement on Minnesota’s zaniness than anything I could ever imagine.
3. We drove Giant Van Lines out of business, and Gabriel Suissa has not been heard of for a long, long time.

Most importantly, I think that the country has changed for the better these past three years. This country is still in economic turmoil, but for those of us who weren’t born into trust funds, our economy has always looked bleak. For us, the fact that we have a President who can speak to us as adults and who does not come from the moneyed aristocracy is enough. It means that this country hasn’t been totally bought and paid for yet. And we can still fight. Yes, we can.

So, I bid this part of my internet life farewell. It’s been fun, and I’ve had a good time interacting with this site’s four regular readers. Some of my favorite comments from you are listed below:

"to sum it up all i can say is you have the mentality of a democrat and it's people like you that have no morals - good luck buying a gun to defend yourself against the middle easters."

"Let me guess - you are certainly less than 30 and may well be less than 20. Believe me it shows."

"I like watching the FAA and NATCA fight. They're like a fat, old, drunk, homeless married couple."

"As to the prom for seniors, it's my only chance to finally get to go to the prom. Nobody asked me the first time around. Now that I'm older and wiser and no longer dependent on an allowance, I'm going to hire myself a dude-licious escort. "

And my personal favorite:

I congratulate all Soon Christmas
Here some sites about the Christmases, a lot of interesting here

And so it ends. But know that I have not quite laid down my sword. To borrow the words of Tom Joad:

Wherever there's a fight so young people can get a decent job, I'll be there. Wherever there's an elderly person beatin' up a child with a cane, I'll be there. I'll be in the way Minnesotans get laughed at - I'll be in the way a smart young punk ridicules how bad comic strips have been. An' when the comic strips are actually funny, and my friends are actually are proud to be graduates of the University of Chicago - I'll be there, too.

Have a good day.

Frankie Machine

Twitter Update

2009-06-16T14:56:00.002-05:00

I changed my Twitter location to Tehran, Iran, to confound the Iranian authorities searching for bloggers. Details here.

Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location and timezone searches. If we all become ‘Iranians’ it becomes much harder to find them.

It's the least I can do. Power to the people.

Reminisce-ing.

2009-06-06T15:18:00.002-05:00

Ah, Reminisce Magazine, where have you been all these years?

I gave my old skates to my brother. He promptly got a wooden apple crate from the grocer, nailed a few pieces of wood to it and made a scooter using the old skates for the wheels. As a finishing touch, he nailed two tin cans to the front of the scooter for “headlights” and went rattling down the street on this noisy vehicle.

Although the scooter was supposed to be off-limits to me, I’d sneak it out of the backyard when my brother wasn’t home and join the other kids, mostly boys, in the fleet of apple-crate scooters racing up and down the neighborhood streets.

The Elderly Menace tells stories like this, then expects us to listen. Apple-crate scooters....zzzzz. The most telling part of this story is that the scooter was supposed to be "off-limits" to her. Most normal children would take a look at a contraption like that, with its tin can headlights, and soil themselves from laughing too much. Not the author. She had to be parentally forbidden from pushing it up and down the street. And these were what are now known as "the good old days." Do those sound like good times to you?

Madness! MAD ness.

2009-05-23T12:53:00.001-05:00

The Machines are very busy packing and getting ready to head back to Washington, D.C., the land whence this all started.

I shall post soon. But you know how things are when boxes and tape are involved.

Deep scary thought

2009-05-07T14:30:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow, at 5 PM, I will have an MBA.

Frankie Machine, Businessman.

Read to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."

2009-05-06T19:24:00.003-05:00

I, too, hate the South.

Get on 395 in DC and take the bridge across the Potomac, exiting onto Route 1, and you’ll find yourself on Jefferson Davis Highway. Yes. A highway named after the political leader of a rebellion against the duly constituted government of the United States of America, founded on the principle that democracy was less important than the right of white people to own black people. Right there on signs and everything.

As is common with blogs, the jewels are in the comments section:

“Have you seen the Confederate Cemetry in places like Alexandria or Chattanooga vs. the National Cemetries? The National Cemetries are cared for while the Confederate Cemetries are overgrown and run-down. Those grounds should be cared for as well.”

Im all in favor of Confederate Cemeteries, I just wish that there were more of them and as full as possible

But no, the Nation takes care of the graves of our nations fallen war heroes, not traitors.

A whole new bonanza of material

2009-05-04T21:32:00.002-05:00

Reminisce magazine. A magazine for the elderly.

I am going to mock the HELL out of this.

Some features:
"The Jewish family next door kept things interesting."
"Tight family strung together many uses for string."

My God. I don't see why elderly people get mad when they come on my blog. Positively Unemployed is a a damn sight better than anti-Semitism and string.

Taboola Attacked My Computer

2009-04-24T19:35:00.004-05:00

A Brief Technical Note:
A "provider of the world's first Personalized Video Discovery Platform for publishers, marketers and users" attacked my computer. Norton Protection told me so:

So, watch out for Taboola. They attack your computer.

I'm going to write Taboola to find out why they attacked my computer. I'll keep you posted.

Things I Learned In Business School, UPDATE!

2009-04-24T17:45:00.003-05:00

As bad as corporate role models may be... Some business students are all about the brown shirts.

Booksellers told The Daily Telegraph that while it is regarded in most countries as a 'Nazi Bible', in India it is considered a management guide in the mould of Spencer Johnson's "Who Moved My Cheese".

I think whoever wrote this paragraph deserves an award for comparing "Who Moved My Cheese" to "Mein Kampf."

Having said that, this trend really shows what poor readers a lot of business school students are. Take any book full of batshit crazy genocidal ideas, which led to worldwide destruction, then claim that it has insights for managers. People will buy it and read it without really stopping to think, "Holy crap. The guy who wrote this started World War II, ended up shooting himself in an underground bunker, AND his name is synonymous with evil."

And these same people will be running businesses in a few years. Oh, boy.

Things I Learned in Business School

2009-04-23T06:49:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, in class, a Professor started off the discussion with the following challenge:
"Name a CEO or business leader who you admire."

Well, damn. People I admire are half-mad writers and musicians who changed the way I looked at the world and engaged my fellow humans, but only after they wasted their youth in varying degrees of inebriation and alienation from their loved ones. Also, my father.

Admire's a strong word, professor.

The pathetic thing was...PEOPLE STARTED RAISING THEIR HANDS and naming CEOs they admired. Steve Jobs. Bill Gates. Alfred P. Sloan. The Shamwow! Guy.*

I'll break that down for you: Full-grown, educated adults were expressing their admiration for wealthy businessmen whom they had never met. CEOs who, if the balance sheet demanded it, would kick them in the nuts and slap their children.

Again, I must be nearing the end of my time in Business School, because I already knew the following: Business School does not turn out soulless sycophants. It attracts them and charges them tuition.

The great thing? At the end of the discussion, the professor expressed his disappointment at our "admiration." "Don't admire the CEOs," he said. It was awesome.

* Again, I made this last one up. Only I admire the Shamwow! Guy, and I didn't get called on.

The elderly are immoral

2009-04-17T20:38:00.000-05:00

This is why I'm never going to Florida again.

Obama on a Sunday.

2009-04-12T20:25:00.002-05:00

Obama knows how to deal with pirates.

Administration officials say President Barack Obama approved the military operation that rescued a U.S. captain held hostage by Somali pirates.
The officials say Obama ordered the Defense Department to use military resources to rescue Richard Phillips from a lifeboat off the Somali coast.

Too bad the priests over at Notre Dame don't have the same respect.

The Rev. Theodore Hesburgh, the university’s president at the time, told me that he conferred an honorary degree on Mr. Reagan because he admired his unflinching stance during the 1980 campaign on the protection of the unborn. This was a difficult position at the time, for pressures were building in support of abortion rights after the passage of Roe v. Wade in 1973. Mr. Reagan’s views and policies were recognized in the honorary degree he received.

The Obama policy on abortion is pretty much the opposite of Ronald Reagan’s. It is precisely what the Catholic Church fights against. That is why my alma mater, while welcoming him in its midst, ought not confer an honorary degree on Mr. Obama.

Maybe they're just pissed that Obama chose the UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO over their little Catholic school. By the way, Irish: The U of C's football team is STILL undefeated by your football team. Suck it, Churchy.
Concerning Ronald Reagan and Catholics, what I know is this:
Ronald Reagan laid a wreath at Bitburg. If that's the kind of pro-life message Notre Dame embraces, then Obama should consider himself honored to be so rejected.

Things I Learned in Business School

2009-04-01T07:19:00.002-05:00

1. PowerPoint is the future of communication. Within two generations, the best-selling novel will be a 30-slide PowerPoint Presentation. Available on Kindle.
2. When proposing a solution to a problem, you MUST use the phrase "Web 2.0".
3. There aren't enough hugs. When you hang out with these people, you'll understand why.
4. Blah blah blah. I'm tired.

What I just wrote is called the "Executive Summary." It's the only part of your report or project that anyone will ever read...

Come to think of it, I didn't learn that in Business School. I learned that when I worked in Government. Can I go home now?

Delays and Complications

2009-03-28T19:20:00.001-05:00

I am still out there.
Sorry for the lack of updates.

I will be better next week.
I promise.

My newest foe: Bob Greene

2009-03-15T12:23:00.003-05:00

Apparently, the Elderly Menace has dirt on Bob Greene.

How else to explain the following paragraph?

Now they are feeling it, and there is nothing that we -- their sons and daughters, their grandsons and granddaughters -- can do to convince them that their fear in the night is groundless. What they are being forced to go through now is -- in the most elemental sense of this word -- a shame. I hope they know how sorry we are.

Well, Mr. Greene, I'll apologize when they apologize for making me listen to their rambling pointless stories about turnips, for their gibberish letters to the editors of newspapers that always start with "As a senior citizen...", for their insistence on being knelt down to. And let's not even get into Ronald Reagan.

Until then, I'm too busy trying to restore my own shattered savings.

Keep Talking, You Crazy Old Man.

2009-03-01T10:12:00.003-06:00

Rush Limbaugh IS the Elderly Menace.

Where is the compromise between good and evil? Should Jesus have cut a different deal? Serious. From the standpoint of what we have to do, folks, this is not about taking a policy or a process that the Democrats have put forward and fighting around the edges. If we're going to convince the minds and hearts of the American people that what's about to happen to them is as disastrous as anything in their lives in peacetime, we're going to have to discuss philosophy with them. We are going to have to talk about principles, because our principles are not present in what's happening here. So where the hell do we go to compromise what we believe in when our principles are not their principles, they're just the opposite of what's happening?

He's really unhinged, isn't he?

This is what Conservatives believe. They believe everything Drug Addict Rush Limbaugh says. When you run into a Conservative (and my sympathies if you do), know that they agree with Draft Dodger Rush Limbaugh and think his ideas are what America needs.

Rush Limbaugh hates America, and so do Conservatives.

The Current State of the Economy

2009-02-28T07:49:00.002-06:00

The elderly menace will take your job.

Good jobs were hard to find for most categories of workers during that period. One of the results has been that older men and women have been taking and holding onto jobs that in prior eras would have gone to young people.

“What we’ve seen over the past eight years, for young people under 30, is the largest age reversal with regard to jobs that we’ve ever had in our history,” said Andrew Sum, the director of the Center for Labor Market Studies. “The younger you are, the more you got pushed out of this labor market.”

That's some great leadership there, old people. Why don't you twist the knife in the back a little more?

The Elderly Menace will take your money

2009-02-21T12:43:00.002-06:00

Now, what would an 89-year old person want with millions of dollars?
It doesn't make any sense.

HONOLULU - An 89-year-old alleged swindler may have stolen millions of dollars from local victims, prosecutors said.

Maria Ching, who gave Winfred Hung Wong $200,000, said many people believed his promises because of his age.

More people in Honolulu need to read this blog.

Memo to Old Man Huggies: You Lost.

2009-02-16T10:04:00.003-06:00

I thought I was done with John McCain.

Apparently not:

McCain, who lost the presidential race to Obama, says the president is backtracking on promises of bipartisanship. McCain is not happy with the process that led to passage of the stimulus bill. He calls it a bad beginning to Obama's presidency.
McCain acknowledges that Republicans excluded Democrats when the GOP held power on Capitol Hill. But he says Obama had promised to work differently.

Obama tried to work with Republicans on this one, and your cranky old man caucus simply went all contrarian. Old Man Huggies,have you ever considered that nobody wants to talk with you for a reason?

Frantic Update

2009-02-11T07:27:00.002-06:00

Here are a few more things I learned in Business School. In bullet form in the interest of time:
1. The men's rooms might just as well consist of a single drain in the middle of the floor.
2. Any subject, no matter how foreign and uninteresting, can be endured if broken into 90 minute sessions twice a week for 13 weeks.
3. If you are ever giving a presentation to a class of business students, and every one of them has their laptop open, they are not taking notes. They are on Facebook.

I'll elaborate further soon. You know how it is.

Frankie Machine: Right Again!

2009-01-29T08:35:00.002-06:00

It wasn't just me!

Nearly half of Americans would like to live someplace else

Dog bites man, right? That's the American way: Pulling up stakes and moving on. I'll grant you that. But I really like the list of cities:
Some of the most and least popular cities in the survey:

Most Popular:

• Denver (43 percent)

• San Diego (40 percent)

• Seattle (38 percent)

• Orlando (34 percent)

• San Francisco (34 percent)

• Tampa (34 percent)

Least Popular

• Detroit (8 percent)

• Cleveland (10 percent)

• Cincinnati (13 percent)

• Kansas City (15 percent)

• Minneapolis (16 percent)

• Pittsburgh (17 percent)

Oh, Gosh. I thought Minnesotans loved their little piece of tundra paradise. Turns out, they don't. Nobody else likes it there, either. And once again, I was right.

Things I Learned In Business School

2009-01-27T12:20:00.004-06:00

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Abraham Lincoln
16th president of US (1809 - 1865)

There I was, in class today, following a professor's explanation of how to analyze a financial statement. I was writing the key points and revelations in my notebook, listening intently, and honestly learning.
I was so wrapped up in the experience I didn't see it happen.
Someone raised his hand and asked a question.
At the conclusion of his sentence, I was actually less knowlegeable than I had been before.
This is because he was trying to appear smart and asked an irrelevant question which clouded the topics the teacher was trying to cover. I can't remember the exact question because, like I said, the question killed some of my brain cells. And this brings us to today's Thing I Learned In Business School:
Only listen to people who know what they are talking about.
The professor is very well respected, and he was attempting to lay a foundation of understanding and fundamentals that could permit a student to ask good questions later on in their careers. Good questions, like:
"Who the hell makes money off of these derivatives?"
and
"Gee, Mr. Skilling. Why should I trust you?"

Instead, people who were asking these questions when they were pertinent and could have helped us avoid the shit rain that we see today were drowned out because people with money to invest were listening to people who did not know what they were talking about.

Follow that?

Part of being a mature person is having the ability to separate the wheat from the chaff, and recognizing when listening is more important than picking up some participation points. I used to get chastised when I would withhold comment on a speaker or not raise my hand in class with spastic frequency. I'd just write it off to being a nice Midwestern native, a son of the Heartland or something. Turns out, I was actually not getting stupid. Whether I was getting smart is up in the air, but I can definitely say I did not interfere with someone else's learning. And some days, not getting stupid puts you ahead of the competition. And that's a Thing I Learned In Business School.

"A Smut Magazine."

2009-01-23T16:43:00.002-06:00

Another great letter to the editor.

Regarding the political cartoon on the Opinions page of The Press' Jan. 11 edition, the depiction of an almost nude man (Leon Panetta, President Obama's choice to head the CIA) covered only by a fig leaf over his private area which states "CIA Experience" belongs not in a municipal newspaper but rather in a smut magazine. Regardless of political persuasion, The Press should not allow such degrading depiction's of any person in the public eye and/or service. You should be ashamed.

I think the word "smut" is a shibboleth for the elderly. Nobody under the age of Leeching Off Social Security uses that word. The term nowadays is "porn." It's what all the kids say.

So, out of curiosity, I looked all over the internet for any evidence to back up my theory. I Googled the name of the writer, John Koehler, of Byron Center. Sure enough, he's almost 80. I won't name the site I used, since I don't believe in free advertising on this site. Trust me on this or check it out for yourself.

So, the lessons for today are:
1. The elderly are back to complaining about lewd pictures on the editorial page. Man, it's good to have a Democrat back in the White House.
2. If somebody uses the word "smut," run away from that person. You've just had a brush with the Elderly Menace

President Obama

2009-01-18T18:20:00.001-06:00

This picture makes me very happy.
Let's start fixing things!

Another old person letter to the editor.

2009-01-17T18:44:00.003-06:00

And it's a doozy.

I prayed the words Jesus taught us over and over and asked our Father above to help us through the next four years until we can correct our terrible mistake.

As she slept on my shoulder, I hugged her tight. Why did we do it? I think because the price of gas went up and the economy took a cyclical plunge.

I bet if each voter had a one year old hug before they went into the booth, the result would have been much different.

Good responses in the comments, though.

On a non-related note, this man is why I hate clowns:

Remember, he's federally funded. And lives in a van. Down by the river.

Um, HBO?

2009-01-13T07:51:00.004-06:00

I was checking out the lineup for the concert celebrating the inauguration of a politician from the South Side of Chicago. I found this:

Beyonce
Mary J. Blige
Bono
Garth Brooks
Sheryl Crow
Renee Fleming
Josh Groban
Herbie Hancock
Heather Headley
John Legend
Jennifer Nettles
John Mellencamp
Usher Raymond IV
Shakira
Bruce Springsteen
James Taylor
will.i.am
Stevie Wonder

How Garth Brooks gets on that list, and not a single blues musician, is so far beyond me I can't begin to describe it.
Buddy Guy?
Koko Taylor?
I could go on. Those are just two musicians from Chicago who you could call on. And those are off the top of my head. And who does HBO get? Garth Brooks.

The more things change, etc.

Got an iPhone? A Blackberry? A new Palm thing?

2009-01-10T19:12:00.003-06:00

Good, because now you can access this blog in all its mean and bitter glory wherever you are. On the subway, at a coffeehouse, on a 16-hour Amtrak ride, at the police station. Wherever your adventures take you. Just click on the link titled "Positively Unemployed for Mobile Devices" in the right sidebar.

Have fun out there.

Blog recommendation

2009-01-07T13:19:00.003-06:00

Scott Meets the Family Circus.

A blog that gets updated about as frequently as this one. I guess because "Scott" actually has to put creativity, time, and talent into his creations, whereas my posts are either divinely inspired or spontaneous explosions of rage.

In the latest from Scott Meets the Family Circus:

Sayanora, 2008!

2008-12-31T18:56:00.002-06:00

Well, we survived the final year of the Bush regime.
2009 HAS to be better.

Remember, if Wilco is reading this: Please, Wilco. If you're playing the inauguration, hook me up?

Hope your 2009 starts off well. I'll be here, telling you all what's what.

Things I Learned In Business School

2008-12-27T08:55:00.005-06:00

Mojo Nixon has a song, "Rock and Roll Hall of Lame," in which he sings*
"If it were a real rock and roll hall of fame,
there'd be a drug ATM
(I'd be there)
they'd hand out copies of 'On the Road' and 'Fear and Loathing' and 'Steal This Book,'
they'd show movies like Thunder Road
and Vanishing Point
It'd be a monument to teenage sex!"

And that's how I feel about the time I've spent in Business School. I spent a decade in the corporate world, and I can say that if Business School were truly teaching us what "it" is like, there would be courses on how to fire someone, how to protect yourself in the event of a round of layoffs, what to do when your boss decrees that everyone is to read "Who Moved My Cheese?" Instead, they teach us the mechanics and numbers and bits and bytes of business. Which brings us to this holiday installment of What I Learned In Business School: They don't teach you what you need to know.

Business Schools should have a required class called "What They Think About You," to teach the brash MBA students the regard in which they are held by the rest of humanity. This class would consist of showings of "Roger & Me," and "In The Company of Men," and "The Smartest Guys In The Room." Hell, we could even get Michael Moore as a guest speaker. An entire class of MBAs would have to face the fact that it is people like them, with their degrees, that are the direct cause of a lot of turmoil and dickery.

As in Business School, there would be case studies from Harvard. An entire week would be spent on Robert McNamara.

And just like in grade school, there would be field trips. First, to emptied-out Rust Belt towns where smart young MBAs got their first jobs, and promptly ran entire regional economies into the ground. Second, to one of the few remaining American automobile plants, where students would have to work the line for an entire day. Maybe this would quell some of the talk about how unionized employees are too over-paid and too lazy and can't deal with competition. Maybe.

And, finally, for good measure, the final exam would require the class to write about a novel. Not a textbook, not a "Manager's Guide To" whatever, a novel--the kind of book that smart people read. This is just one small step in my larger plan to make the world a better place. It might also give the future CEOs something interesting to talk about while they're getting embarrassingly sloshed at a "networking event."

I doubt any business school would offer this class. It's not in their best interest to tell their students that they cause problems in the world and that strict devotion to business principles can have catastrophic consequences. Nobody wants to hear that. It's just a lot easier to fight for the attention of the corporate recruiters that tell students how much they are needed and in demand. They don't teach you what you need to know, because your job offer depends on not knowing it. And that's another Thing I Learned In Business School.

* accuracy of quotation not guaranteed.

Season's Greetings.

2008-12-24T08:14:00.001-06:00

Well, I'm off to the mall to tell children the truth about Santa Claus.

Have a great holiday! Travel safe, stay away from Amtrak and your Republican relatives.

See you in the new year!

Sincerely,

Frankie Machine

Amtrak Continues to FAIL.

2008-12-22T15:44:00.004-06:00

A 16-hour trip between Chicago and Grand Rapids.
I never ever want to spend three hours in Holland, MI.

So far, Amtrak officials can explain only seven hours of the delay.

Chicago: Train leaves at 5:58 p.m. Sunday, Chicago time, 38 minutes late. Scheduled to arrive in Grand Rapids at 10:20 p.m. local time.

Porter, Ind.: Delayed 4 hours due to weather and a freight train blocking its path.

Holland: Train arrives at 4:10 a.m. local time, drops off passengers and proceeds half-mile into CSX yard.

Holland: Train stops in CSX yard after crew reaches 12-hour work limit. Waits about three hours for a new crew.

Grand Rapids: Train arrives at 10:02 a.m., nearly 12 hours late.

I like this excuse: "He said the crew blamed the delays on the weather and problems with switches."
Amtrak ALWAYS blames the switches! They've been blaming the switches since back when I was in college. Buy some new goddamn switches! The ones you're using don't frikkin' work! Um...yeah, the switches. Sure, Amtrak. It's the switches. I'm surprised you're not blaming Snidely Whiplash who has tied a girl to the track.

Fortunately, the story allowed comments, my favorite of which is:

the people who run the trains are real losers who have no lifes and take out their problems on their passengers. they are frequently rude, ugly, and stupid.

"Small town values", Wasilla-style

2008-12-19T19:21:00.002-06:00

Wasn't some commenter on this blog saying how great Wasilla was, and how it represented small-town America?

The mother of Levi Johnston, the 18-year-old boyfriend of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's teenage daughter, has been arrested on drug charges, the Anchorage Daily News reported Friday.

Sherry L. Johnston, 42, has been charged with six felony counts of misconduct, the newspaper reported.

I bet Levi learned so much from his mom. And they won't let gay people get married? They let this screw-up have CHILDREN! You know how hard you have to work to get charged with SIX felonies?

Rick Warren makes Baby Jesus cry.

2008-12-17T18:24:00.003-06:00

Rick Warren is full of hate and lies.

He went on to say he's opposed to gay marriage the same way he is opposed to a brother and sister marrying (that would be incest), a man marrying a child (that would be statutory rape), or someone having multiple spouses (that would be polygamy). Pressed by Waldman, Warren said he considered those crimes equivalent to gay marriage.

I've written about Rick Warren's lies here. He couldn't stop Obama, and so he decided to hedge his hate-bet and take away the rights of gay people. Why does this scumbucket Elmer Gantry keep getting airtime? I hope to God (mine, not his...two totally differenyt deities) that some journalist is getting the goods on this joker and the details are juicy. And that when this story hits, he's relegated to walking up and down the street with a hand-lettered sandwich board talking about the last days.

Things I Learned In Business School

2008-12-10T20:53:00.004-06:00

Mrs. Machine and I were talking the other day, and the talk turned to Sparta.

She told me how Spartan training of their young men consisted of giving them less food than they required, to make them steal food from others. If they were caught, there was a Spartan beatdown. * This ultimately had the effect of weeding out the weak and making sure the resultant force was crafty and strong.

We have such a system in business school, too. It's called "The Curve." At my institution, the first-year curve demands that no more than 25% of the students can get an A in a desired class, and no less than 10% can get a C. So, yeah, people cheat. Fortunately, the curve more or less goes away in the second year.

The difference is, at the end of the day, the Spartans had a cohesive, bonded fighting force that was willing to stand with only 300 against an entire army of Persians. Today, if I had to stand with my class against the Persians...I wouldn't be sure who to aim at.

And that brings us to today's "Thing I Learned In Business School": Don't trust the bastards.

I'm not saying everybody in business school is a bastard, but the percentage is a lot higher than in the general population. There are people who will cheat, who will not pull their weight on team assignments, and who will simply go after other people for no reason. They pretty much identify themselves early on in B-school, and are proud of it. I've also found that GMAT scores are strongly correlated to the level of bastardity. I did some research, and have the graph to prove my point:

The Bastardity Index ranges from 0-10, with 10 being Ken Lay, and 0 being Jesus (who, funny story, was an actual bastard).

My remedy: Ostracization. Find some non-bastard allies and mock the living hell out of the bastards. Make fun of them behind their backs. Sure, it's juvenile, but what would you rather be: juvenile, or a bastard?

In the end, you have to watch out for yourself. If you can go to sleep at night knowing you have a soul, you're going to do just fine. And that's another Thing I Learned In Business School.

* Odd coincidence: My elementary grade school mascot was the Spartan.

New feature:

2008-12-09T08:21:00.005-06:00

Today, I'd like to start a little experiment called, "Things I learned in Business School." I've been at it since September of last year, and I think I'm as qualified as anyone else out there reflecting on the B-school experience. Also, some websites that have similar insights are really lame. For instance, a quick Google of the phrase "Things I learned in Business School" returns the following tripe:

You can value an asset if you know its cash flows, the timing of them, and can quantify the risks of acheiving those cash flows. The whole area of the capital asset pricing model and modern portfolio theory was my second favorite thing I learned at business school. It made sense to me and given my engineering background, I found the math around these theories fascinating. I don't use the formulas very much any more, but my brain is now hard wired with these theories and I don't think of value any other way and never will.

You can wake up now. So, without much more pontificating, here is Frankie Machine's First "Things I Learned in Business School."

Never underestimate the value of flashy graphics to compensate for weak content and slipshod writing. I am right now typing this blog post while next to my elbow sits a printout of a paper that is absolutely unremarkable, passion-less, and devoid of substantive thought. I admit that. There was a lot due this week, and my grade in the class is not in much danger if I don't get a top grade on this paper. So, I'm going for style points. Here are key elements of transforming mediocre work into something an instructor might be fooled by.
1. A cover page. Preferably in color. Microsoft Word now makes it as easy as possible to add a professional-looking cover page. For maximum effect, follow this up with...
2. A table of contents. Section headings and their page numbers can go a long way to convince a professor you spent time on your project.
3. Footnotes. Academic-looking fine print is your best friend in this charade. Use them liberally.

Remember that business school is ultimately preparing you for the realities of the business world, so don't focus too much on content or thought. Why do you think they tell you to wear a suit to job interviews? Gussy up anything, and somebody somewhere will buy it.* And that's a Thing I Learned in Business School.

* see Wall Street.

Your tax dollars at work...

2008-12-08T21:52:00.002-06:00

Arming the elderly menace.

A New Jersey company says they have gotten federal approval to market a gun to the elderly and hopes to have it subsized by Medicare.

Constitution Arms says its Palm Pistol will aid seniors with arthritis who would otherwise have trouble pulling the trigger. The device allows individuals to shoot by squeezing with their thumb.

Who thought this was a good idea? They certainly aren't readers of this blog. Soon enough, you'll see overly medicated elderly people going on shooting rampages with the help of these devices. The comments to the story are on my side, too:

"Be careful how you treat seniors. A casual remark may be deemed threatening and then, boom, goodbye. What a wonderful item to give your granny for Christmas! When she unwraps it, she will want to squeeze it and then boom, goodbye."

Lots of dead caregivers and grandchildren soon when Gramps thinks its a hand exerciser.

Maybe this blog needs to stick around after all.

Mini-Hiatus

2008-12-05T05:54:00.003-06:00

I'm terribly sorry for the lack of posts.
There's been hecticness and franticness as of late. That and The Man keeps trying to beat me down.

Sometime, early next week, there will be some quality posts. Frankie's honor.

Until then, dig the crazy:

Start your week with a monkey story!

2008-11-24T08:17:00.001-06:00

You will watch this video again and again.

That's Gotta Hurt

2008-11-20T16:30:00.002-06:00

Nobody will shake his hand.

Hey. Off for the weekend. Go get drunk or something.

Abandoning a child

2008-11-13T21:32:00.002-06:00

A horrible situation. However, I should be grateful this law was not effect when I was growing up.
My parents would have dropped me off and caught the first flight to San Juan. Believe me, they would have been totally justified.
In Nebraska, it's only going to be legal for a limited time only.

The safe-haven law was intended to save "Dumpster babies" by allowing desperate young mothers to abandon their newborns at a hospital without fear of prosecution. But lawmakers could not agree on an age limit, and the law as passed uses only the word "child."
All states have safe-haven laws, but in every state but Nebraska, the law applies to infants only.
Authier said her group and others had warned senators after the law passed early this year that there could be problems, but the lawmakers did not believe it.
"It wasn't like talking to a stone wall," Authier said. "It was just that people who aren't in the business of dealing with families, they aren't aware how desperate some of these families are."
Sure enough, 20 teenagers — six 17-year-olds, two 16-year-olds, six 15-year-olds, three 14-year-olds, three 13-year-olds — have been abandoned, along with eight children who were 11 or 12. Five of the children dropped off have been from out of state.

Back in my day, parents would just drop the kids off at school and let the teachers deal with 'em.

Oh, alright.

2008-11-08T20:25:00.002-06:00

The Elderly Menace is not dead yet.

It is ironic that the Museum will be honoring a promoter of hate like Dobson, while at the same time many mourn the recent passing of journalistic legend Studs Turkel, whom the Museum never got around to honoring.

People like James Dobson are still around, spreading their hate. And I can't let it stand.

So, people like James Dobson will still have to deal with me for a little while more.

Aftermath.

2008-11-06T15:41:00.002-06:00

Since Obama won, I've been thinking about this blog.
I don't want to brag, but I think part of John McCain's defeat resulted from this blog's message that the elderly in positions of power are dangerous.
I've been at this for almost three years. Maybe I should declare victory and go home.

Or, I could resume my focus on the University of Chicago Alumni Association. But, you know, having a U of C prof as a President of the United States means I can put down my sword in that war, too.

What do you think?

How I feel, as well.

2008-11-05T09:40:00.002-06:00

From Tom Tomorrow:
Eight long years

We’ve regarded our leaders with dread and anxiety for so long, it has come to seem like the normal state of things. It has become a chronic pain, so much a part of our lives that we only really notice it when it subsides — and suddenly the relief is so overwhelming it becomes a tangible thing.

After eight years of an administration whose actions have run the gamut from stupid to venal, we will have a rational president who believes in things like, say, science. Who can string a succession of words together into a coherent sentence.

I confess, if McCain had won, my despair for this country would have been absolute. Instead, the cloud we’ve all been living under for so very long begins to lift, this morning.

The Republicans tried to win with hate and fear and division, and instead they failed. Spectacularly, definitively, repudiated in a landslide. And you know what I hope, at this moment? That Joe the Plumber becomes a widely-used symbol for all that has been wrong with America. That tv commentators invoke his name as shorthand for the politics of stupidity — “Maybe Joe the Plumber thinks we need to put all the Danish-Americans in internment camps, but no rational person agrees!” — and a heartfelt chuckle is had by all, and no more need be said, so universal is the understanding.

I very much want that to be the legacy of Joe the Plumber.

Off to the wilderness with them all. I have no doubt they’ll claw their way back eventually, but at the very least we’ve bought ourselves some breathing room, some time to try to repair the damage they’ve done to the very foundations of this country.

Yes. Yes.

Congratulations

2008-11-04T23:25:00.001-06:00

President Obama,

Frankie Machine is at your service.

Not going to call it...yet.

2008-11-04T20:49:00.003-06:00

But Frankie Machine, Sr. just scored Obama a win in Michigan.

Hearing this, Ohio got scared of my Dad, and, well...

"President Obama" sounds pretty good right now.

And to all those folks in Grant Park, a favorite haunt of Frankie Machine, I'd like to express that I am there in spirit.

History.

2008-11-04T06:19:00.002-06:00

Frankie Machine just voted.
Let's go get some beers.

Bottled Hot Water

2008-11-03T13:08:00.001-06:00

Daily Kos has all you need to know before voting tomorrow.

We can't trust the US to Old Man Huggies. He's lost his marbles.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Cheney endorses Old Man Huggies!

2008-11-01T20:49:00.002-05:00

And Obama takes it deep!

An awesome speech.

Don't boo, just vote. I agree, President Obama. I'll be in line at 5:30, coffee cup in hand, scarfing down Munchkins. Making history requires a caffeine and sugar rush. History runs on Dunk'n.

Requiem for Mr. Terkel

2008-10-31T20:12:00.002-05:00

He was great.
Somewhere in some bar up in heaven, Studs Terkel and Mike Royko and Nelson Algren are drinking and telling stories.

He attended the University of Chicago, where he obtained a law degree and borrowed his nickname from the character in the "Studs Lonigan" trilogy by Chicago writer James T. Farrell. He never practiced law. Instead, he took a job in a federally sponsored statistical project with the Federal Emergency Rehabilitation Administration, one of President Franklin D. Roosevelt's New Deal agencies. Then he found a spot in a writers project with the Works Progress Administration, writing plays and developing his acting skills.

I've got a feeling he used an absentee ballot to vote early. It's a shame he didn't get to see another Democratic President put people back to work.

He will be missed, but will be read for many more generations.

Inspiration for the weekend.

2008-10-30T20:55:00.000-05:00

see Sarah Palin pictures

Pulling Away.

2008-10-29T21:56:00.002-05:00

Now way Old Man Huggies can top this.
In case you missed it, here is Obama's message:

Love it. It'll be nice to have a president who can speak intelligently, is genuinely in touch with America, and who knows the law.

I'm all tingly inside.

The Elderly Menace Attacks!

2008-10-27T14:09:00.001-05:00

With a cane, this time.

This is what it's coming to.

This is what I've been saying for years.

Multitudes

2008-10-26T18:56:00.004-05:00

This is from the Obama website's pictures of the trip to Denver.

Change your diaper, Old Man Huggies.
Book your trip back to Alaska, Mrs. Palin.

We're comin'.

You know who I feel sorry for, though? The moose in Alaska. Palin's going to be mighty angry on November 5. And she's the type of person who channels her anger into killing sprees.

Whassup?

2008-10-25T16:03:00.003-05:00

Awesome commercial.
To think that in 1999, my 401(k) was worth as much as it is now.

Thanks, Republicans. Thanks a f**kload.

It's less than two weeks now.

2008-10-22T07:47:00.002-05:00

Remember, as we gear up to vanquish the Elderly Menace, that our great nation cannot stand George Bush's third term.

We can't stand empty blathering, a sinister Vice President, and appeals to the worst instincts in people.

The Elderly Menace has had this land I love in its grip for too long. In less than two weeks, we're taking it back.

John McCain, Sarah Palin, it's on.

The Elderly Menace (not John McCain edition)

2008-10-21T08:32:00.002-05:00

And you people wonder why I wage war on the elderly. They steal little kids' toys! Criminy! Who does that?
I'll tell you who: Mean old ladies like Edna Jester.

“I'm 89 years old and I want a little piece of mind,” Jester said. “This is my life here in this chair, looking out that door, and all I see is playing the ball down and all over and all over. If it doesn't come in my yard, OK, but if it comes in my yard, I'm going to get it. No trespassing.”
Blue Ash Police Capt. James Schaffer said Monday that police warned Jester twice and finally arrested her after she refused to accept a citation.

In other news, John McCain announced that Edna Jester would be appointed Secretary of Lawn Defense if he is elected President.

Joe Biden knows how to fight

2008-10-18T21:33:00.002-05:00

Take that, Sarah Palin. I've lived in Blue States my whole life, except for the stint in Virginia, and I can say that there are memorials to soldiers in Blue States, and 4th of July parades, and schoolkids say the Pledge of Allegiance.

So screw you, Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin is horrible.

2008-10-17T21:37:00.002-05:00

That's all.
Just saying.

Have a great weekend.

The Elderly Menace

2008-10-16T08:53:00.000-05:00

Never turn your back on Old Man Huggies.

Stop. The. Fight.

2008-10-15T21:28:00.002-05:00

This video says it all, doesn't it?
Obama's command of the facts.
McCain's crankiness.
And the look on his face.

It's over. I'm booking my tickets to Washington for Obama's inauguration.

Old Man Huggies pals around with terrorists.

2008-10-14T16:50:00.003-05:00

One of his aides was a lobbyist.
No big deal, right?
Now, what if I told you he was a lobbyist for Saddam Hussein?
(or, as the rednecks at my high school called him, "So Damn Insane huh huh funny").

See, that's the kind of thing that means Old Man Huggies should never be allowed near the Oval Office.

Wasilla Sounds Pretty Screwed Up...

2008-10-12T12:19:00.003-05:00

...and I grew up in MICHIGAN!

If any of you had any doubts about Sarah Palin
(and, honestly, after following this blog, you shouldn't)
you should read this.

So let's get this straight. John McCain's team chose someone whose political career was tightly interwoven with - and supported by - extremists. Not just average wingnuts. Extremists. Radicals. A secessionist and a paranoid militia organizer.

Full original article on Sarah Palin here.

Sarah Palin makes Hockey look civilized.

2008-10-11T21:52:00.002-05:00

They had to turn up the music to drown out the boo-ing.

To borrow a line from the Simpsons:
"Are they boo-ing me?"
"No! They saying 'Cari-BOU!'"

Sarah Palin: Unlawful Abuse of Power

2008-10-10T19:44:00.001-05:00

Breaking News!

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A legislative committee investigating Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has found she unlawfully abused her authority in firing the state's public safety commissioner.

Strangest. Election. Ever.

Awesome pictures.

2008-10-09T08:06:00.001-05:00

Oh, my.
It's like Mardi Gras to these trogs.

Oh, I almost forgot.

2008-10-08T17:43:00.003-05:00

Three-Zip

2008-10-08T16:04:00.002-05:00

That's the Democrats' records against Old Man Huggies and Militia Mom.
Do we really need to watch the last debate? Because, from where I'm standing, all Old Man Huggies can do there is yell at Obama and call the audience stupid for wanting a black guy as President.

That's all he has left. And I don't think I have enough alcohol on hand to witness that much ugly.

I can't quite shake the idea that came to me one night; that John McCain might be trying to throw this fight. He picked Sarah Palin, he's given horrid debate performances, he's acted confused and bewildered on stage. This might be a deliberate strategy on his part to go through with an election he does not want to win. And now, after all that, the American people have him down (at most) about 10 points in the polls. He may not like that margin for error, so if this theory is correct, that last debate will be his last chance to convince the American people not to vote for him. And if this theory is correct, I'd like to suggest that Old Man Huggies do the following, to put the nail in the coffin:
1. Use the word "motherfucker" in every sentence.
2. Vow to bomb China.
3. Lunge at Obama with a spork. *
4. Just stand behind the podium and drool.
5. In response to the first question he is asked, he should begin by saying, "My running mate? Sarah Palin? I hit that." Then he should wink.**

I may end up watching that last debate after all.

* Don't worry. Obama lives on the South Side. He's seen worse.
** On purpose, this time.

John McCain's Past.

2008-10-06T05:15:00.001-05:00

Keating 5.
Check it out at noon today.
We can't afford to trust our economy to this man.

Old Man Huggies Is Erratic.

2008-10-05T10:42:00.001-05:00

This is how we win.
John McCain doesn't stand a chance.

No way. No how. No McCain.

In short.

2008-10-04T21:55:00.003-05:00

Old Man Huggies Is Contagious.

2008-10-04T09:34:00.003-05:00

He's apparently given Sarah Palin that left-eye disease.

Bye, Bye, Johnnie.

2008-10-02T22:15:00.003-05:00

As I reported earlier, my dad, Frankie Machine, Sr., is working for the Obama campaign.

Old Man Huggies just got the news (via Pony Express). This is why he just pulled his campaign out of Michigan. He knows when he's beat.

Frankie Machine, Sr. 1
Old Man Huggies 0

And that, my friends, is what a beatdown looks like.

In the name of all that is decent...

2008-10-01T12:57:00.001-05:00

Somebody, please, stop this fight.

Senator McCain is looking worse every day. It's footage like this that has the country worried.

Great. Thanks, Republicans.

2008-09-30T08:12:00.001-05:00

see Sarah Palin pictures

Hoovervilles are now officially to be called "Georgetowns."

Holy Shlamolies.

2008-09-26T13:05:00.003-05:00

Now, growing up Catholic, I saw some stuff in church that might have seemed weird to outsiders. Dunkin' babies in water. Teenagers walking down the aisles swinging burning incense in front of caskets. Mass reciting of oaths and creeds. So, in some respect, I am not surprised by Fellini-esque rituals in houses of faith.

But this? This is flat out wrong. Sarah Palin is whacko.

As a bonus, check out this beautiful piece of work by Sarah Silverman about old people.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Sarah Palin, the Babbler.

2008-09-25T20:40:00.002-05:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

I can't even begin to criticize this person. Where do I start?
Her really sarcastic tone, her utter ignorance, her disdain for questions?
Where?

Why can't the US just sell Alaska to Russia for $700 billion? Problem solved.

Obama is more presidential.

2008-09-24T19:13:00.001-05:00

There, I said it.
This is exactly right.
Old Man Huggies can try to put on a sham display, but it's not fooling anybody.

"It's my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who, in approximately 40 days, will be responsible for dealing with this mess," Obama said at a news conference in Clearwater, Fla. "It's going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once."

Although, judging from the past eight years, that's a pretty high expectation.

What a buncha babies!

2008-09-22T16:15:00.001-05:00

Seriously. Does Old Man Huggies ever NOT complain?

Whoever wrote this gets my vote.

2008-09-21T12:14:00.002-05:00

Apparently, it's some lawmaker somewhere. It sounds like I would sound if I could get elected.

Now THERE'S an idea.

Paulsen and congressional Republicans, or the few that will actually vote for this (most will be unwilling to take responsibility for the consequences of their policies), have said that there can't be any "add ons," or addition provisions. Fuck that. I don't really want to trigger a world wide depression (that's not hyperbole, that's a distinct possibility), but I'm not voting for a blank check for $700 billion for those mother fuckers.
Nancy said she wanted to include the second "stimulus" package that the Bush Administration and congressional Republicans have blocked. I don't want to trade a $700 billion dollar giveaway to the most unsympathetic human beings on the planet for a few fucking bridges. I want reforms of the industry, and I want it to be as punitive as possible.

Henry Waxman has suggested corporate government reforms, including CEO compensation, as the price for this. Some members have publicly suggested allowing modification of mortgages in bankruptcy, and the House Judiciary Committee staff is also very interested in that. That's a real possibility.

We may strip out all the gives to industry in the predatory mortgage lending bill that the House passed last November, which hasn't budged in the Senate, and include that in the bill. There are other ideas on the table but they are going to be tough to work out before next week.

I also find myself drawn to provisions that would serve no useful purpose except to insult the industry, like requiring the CEOs, CFOs and the chair of the board of any entity that sells mortgage related securities to the Treasury Department to certify that they have completed an approved course in credit counseling. That is now required of consumers filing bankruptcy to make sure they feel properly humiliated for being head over heels in debt, although most lost control of their finances because of a serious illness in the family. That would just be petty and childish, and completely in character for me.

I'm open to other ideas, and I am looking for volunteers who want to hold the sons of bitches so I can beat the crap out of them.

This is how we win.

2008-09-20T19:29:00.001-05:00

No way. No how. No McCain.

The Dreaded Spanish!

2008-09-19T08:02:00.004-05:00

From AmericaBlog:

Stay on alert for the next GOP smear attack on Obama. The way things are going with their candidate, it'll have to be extra ugly. I mean, who knew McCain would bring us back to the days of saber rattling against Spain? It's so 1898. Just wait for the new McCain campaign slogan: "Remember the Maine." And, don't forget, McCain does fancy himself a "Teddy Roosevelt" kind of guy.

This is so like the Onion's founder, T. Herman Zweibel:

It has been brought to my attention that the Republic's children are dismissed from school for the summer, making them vulnerable to indulgence, sloth, gluttony, and the enticements of various confidence tricksters.

Some, I've even been told, have lately been pre-occupied with bizarre games of skill contained in boxes no bigger than their hands and fired with the electrical power. The perverse object of these electrical challenges is to shoot pretend bullets at moon-men and their traveling vessels, subduing them as though they were the Spanish or some other enemy of the Republic. I am very much opposed to the use of mechanical objects for pleasure, and call for these electrical games to be disassembled.

But I realize that a boy needs to play. My own boy-hood was one of the best any American could have had, for I was a plucky young shaver who engaged in nothing but the most wholesome and vigorous activities! How fondly I recall the merry sports my manly little chums and I would play. Our days were boisterous and full as we played endless games of Mumblety-Peg, Blind-Man's Bluff and Slap-the-Quaker!

Happy Friday, y'all!

Original Programming

2008-09-17T21:50:00.004-05:00

This blog used to devote a lot of time to the comic strips and how unfunny they are. Then I discovered the Comics Curmudgeon and realized I couldn't beat the king. But today, I have to share this strip:

This is the greatest thing ever put on the comics page.

Like Rambling Stories About Fish Around Oil Rigs?

2008-09-17T21:50:00.003-05:00

Well, then, by all means, vote McCain.

If, on the other hand, you're wondering how the US turned into a socialist country overnight under a Republican administration...you're too smart for your own good.

"Old Boys' Network."

2008-09-17T17:39:00.002-05:00

Obama's using lines I wish I had written.

One More Before The Week Starts!

2008-09-14T21:38:00.000-05:00

Dear People of Alaska:

2008-09-14T19:41:00.004-05:00

Love your state's natural beauty. I hope to fish there one day, and maybe even see a grizzly. I saw a moose last time I was there. Pretty amazing state.

But if you are of such an attitude that you live in Alaska to get away from the lower 48, or escape civilization, or try yourself against the wild, fine. If you're such a fiercely independent, state-of-nature dwelling bunch of folks, who just want to be left alone by the evil federal government, I'm sure you won't mind my advice to you:

Shut up and don't vote in the national elections.
Send us back all the money we've sent north over the years.
Stop sending us your corrupt politicians.

We've got some big challenges in this country. We don't have time for your attitude.

Sincerely,

Frankie Machine

Bring it on, Palin.

2008-09-14T17:43:00.002-05:00

Please, Sarah. have your assistant call me and try this.

When Ms. Palin had to cut her first state budget, she avoided the legion of frustrated legislators and mayors. Instead, she huddled with her budget director and her husband, Todd, an oil field worker who is not a state employee, and vetoed millions of dollars of legislative projects.

And four months ago, a Wasilla blogger, Sherry Whitstine, who chronicles the governor’s career with an astringent eye, answered her phone to hear an assistant to the governor on the line, she said.

“You should be ashamed!” Ivy Frye, the assistant, told her. “Stop blogging. Stop blogging right now!”

This post is dedicated to the memory of David Foster Wallace. His collection, A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, made me laugh throughout, and I carried it with me all over Chicago and the South on my many journeys. He was brilliant and innovative and funny as hell. I think of him every time I footnote something.

That's some Mavericky yacht partying.

2008-09-12T08:10:00.002-05:00

John McCain. "Celebrity."

My friends, I celebrate my birthdays on yachts with Anne Hathaway. You little people can get bent.

A few facts.

2008-09-11T21:35:00.002-05:00

-- John McCain is in bad shape, physically.
-- Every story that comes out about John McCain in this campaign has been about breaches of trust or his corruption. It's either that or stories about him as a POW 40 years ago.
--The enthusiasm for Sarah Palin is held only by those Republicans who attended the convention. There's not much support for her, even in Republican circles.

John McCain is a very weak candidate.

Sarah Palin wanted to ban books.

2008-09-10T21:37:00.003-05:00

Nasty little fascist.
Anybody who fears books in libraries has no business leading this country.
Banning books is cowardly, ignorant, and unpatriotic.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Chris Matthews?

2008-09-10T19:24:00.001-05:00

Chris Matthews (?!?) of all people decimates the "lipstick on a pig" malarkey.

I love it!

2008-09-10T17:49:00.003-05:00

The press is beginning to call McCain and Palin LIARS!

FAIRFAX, Va. - Republican presidential nominee John McCain and his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, equated lawmakers' requests for funding for special projects with corruption on Wednesday even though Palin herself has requested nearly $200 million in so-called "earmarks" this year.

The press may finally be waking up. They're not biting on the "lipstick on a pig" comment, either.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Tax and Spend! Tax and Spend!

2008-09-09T21:58:00.004-05:00

(thanks to JC*)

* No, not JC of JC and the Twelve Apostles. The other one.

A Refuge State

2008-09-08T15:12:00.001-05:00

Sarah Palin.
Believes.
That Alaska.
Will Be.
A "Refuge State."
In "The Last Days."

God help us all if she's in a position to bring The Last Days about.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Dear Sarah Palin,

2008-09-08T07:11:00.001-05:00

I got yer "deference" right here.

Deference? This is America. We got started by taking up arms against the king of England.
We don't do deference.

Wasilla, the Crawford, Texas of the North

2008-09-07T11:09:00.001-05:00

A video tour of where Sarah Palin was mayor.

Hells. Yeah.

2008-09-06T15:13:00.002-05:00

Why I am voting for real fighters this November.

Last night at the Republican National Convention, John McCain used the word "fight" more than 40 times in his speech.

In the 16 years that we have served together in the Senate, I have seen John McCain fight.

I have seen him fight against raising the federal minimum wage 14 times.

I have seen him fight against making sure that women earn equal pay for equal work.

I have seen him fight against a women's right to choose so consistently that he received a zero percent vote rating from pro-choice organizations.

I have seen him fight against helping families gain access to birth control.

I have seen him fight against Social Security, even going so far as to call its current funding system "an absolute disgrace."

And I saw him fight against the new GI Bill of Rights until it became politically untenable for him to do so.

John McCain voted with President Bush 95 percent of the time in 2007 and 100 percent of the time in 2008 -- that's no maverick.

We do have two real fighters for change in this election -- their names are Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

Barbara Boxer, you are awarded the Frankie Machine Medal of Honor for Sarcasm in the Face of the Elderly.

Appalling Vice Presidential Candidate.

2008-09-06T11:01:00.003-05:00

Sarah Palin is "racist, sexist, vindictive, and mean."

So, obviously, a Republican. Go read the story. It's pretty harsh stuff. And tell ALL your friends about it.

No wonder she's hiding up in Alaska right now. It's only a matter of time before she says something truly barbaric to the TV cameras.

Old Man Huggies, keep making decisions like this one, and I might just begin to like you. For helping put a Democrat in the White House.

Fearmonger McCain

2008-09-05T07:55:00.002-05:00

Keith is our last best hope for journalistic integrity.