New feature:

Today, I'd like to start a little experiment called, "Things I learned in Business School." I've been at it since September of last year, and I think I'm as qualified as anyone else out there reflecting on the B-school experience. Also, some websites that have similar insights are really lame. For instance, a quick Google of the phrase "Things I learned in Business School" returns the following tripe:

You can value an asset if you know its cash flows, the timing of them, and can quantify the risks of acheiving those cash flows. The whole area of the capital asset pricing model and modern portfolio theory was my second favorite thing I learned at business school. It made sense to me and given my engineering background, I found the math around these theories fascinating. I don't use the formulas very much any more, but my brain is now hard wired with these theories and I don't think of value any other way and never will.

You can wake up now. So, without much more pontificating, here is Frankie Machine's First "Things I Learned in Business School."

Never underestimate the value of flashy graphics to compensate for weak content and slipshod writing. I am right now typing this blog post while next to my elbow sits a printout of a paper that is absolutely unremarkable, passion-less, and devoid of substantive thought. I admit that. There was a lot due this week, and my grade in the class is not in much danger if I don't get a top grade on this paper. So, I'm going for style points. Here are key elements of transforming mediocre work into something an instructor might be fooled by.
1. A cover page. Preferably in color. Microsoft Word now makes it as easy as possible to add a professional-looking cover page. For maximum effect, follow this up with...
2. A table of contents. Section headings and their page numbers can go a long way to convince a professor you spent time on your project.
3. Footnotes. Academic-looking fine print is your best friend in this charade. Use them liberally.

Remember that business school is ultimately preparing you for the realities of the business world, so don't focus too much on content or thought. Why do you think they tell you to wear a suit to job interviews? Gussy up anything, and somebody somewhere will buy it.* And that's a Thing I Learned in Business School.


* see Wall Street.