Great. Thanks, Republicans.

see Sarah Palin pictures

Hoovervilles are now officially to be called "Georgetowns."

Holy Shlamolies.

Now, growing up Catholic, I saw some stuff in church that might have seemed weird to outsiders. Dunkin' babies in water. Teenagers walking down the aisles swinging burning incense in front of caskets. Mass reciting of oaths and creeds. So, in some respect, I am not surprised by Fellini-esque rituals in houses of faith.

But this? This is flat out wrong. Sarah Palin is whacko.

As a bonus, check out this beautiful piece of work by Sarah Silverman about old people.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Sarah Palin, the Babbler.

Watch CBS Videos Online

I can't even begin to criticize this person. Where do I start?
Her really sarcastic tone, her utter ignorance, her disdain for questions?
Where?

Why can't the US just sell Alaska to Russia for $700 billion? Problem solved.

Obama is more presidential.

There, I said it.
This is exactly right.
Old Man Huggies can try to put on a sham display, but it's not fooling anybody.

"It's my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who, in approximately 40 days, will be responsible for dealing with this mess," Obama said at a news conference in Clearwater, Fla. "It's going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once."

Although, judging from the past eight years, that's a pretty high expectation.

What a buncha babies!

Seriously. Does Old Man Huggies ever NOT complain?

Whoever wrote this gets my vote.

Apparently, it's some lawmaker somewhere. It sounds like I would sound if I could get elected.

Now THERE'S an idea.

Paulsen and congressional Republicans, or the few that will actually vote for this (most will be unwilling to take responsibility for the consequences of their policies), have said that there can't be any "add ons," or addition provisions. Fuck that. I don't really want to trigger a world wide depression (that's not hyperbole, that's a distinct possibility), but I'm not voting for a blank check for $700 billion for those mother fuckers.
Nancy said she wanted to include the second "stimulus" package that the Bush Administration and congressional Republicans have blocked. I don't want to trade a $700 billion dollar giveaway to the most unsympathetic human beings on the planet for a few fucking bridges. I want reforms of the industry, and I want it to be as punitive as possible.

Henry Waxman has suggested corporate government reforms, including CEO compensation, as the price for this. Some members have publicly suggested allowing modification of mortgages in bankruptcy, and the House Judiciary Committee staff is also very interested in that. That's a real possibility.

We may strip out all the gives to industry in the predatory mortgage lending bill that the House passed last November, which hasn't budged in the Senate, and include that in the bill. There are other ideas on the table but they are going to be tough to work out before next week.

I also find myself drawn to provisions that would serve no useful purpose except to insult the industry, like requiring the CEOs, CFOs and the chair of the board of any entity that sells mortgage related securities to the Treasury Department to certify that they have completed an approved course in credit counseling. That is now required of consumers filing bankruptcy to make sure they feel properly humiliated for being head over heels in debt, although most lost control of their finances because of a serious illness in the family. That would just be petty and childish, and completely in character for me.

I'm open to other ideas, and I am looking for volunteers who want to hold the sons of bitches so I can beat the crap out of them.

This is how we win.

No way. No how. No McCain.

The Dreaded Spanish!

From AmericaBlog:

Stay on alert for the next GOP smear attack on Obama. The way things are going with their candidate, it'll have to be extra ugly. I mean, who knew McCain would bring us back to the days of saber rattling against Spain? It's so 1898. Just wait for the new McCain campaign slogan: "Remember the Maine." And, don't forget, McCain does fancy himself a "Teddy Roosevelt" kind of guy.

This is so like the Onion's founder, T. Herman Zweibel:

It has been brought to my attention that the Republic's children are dismissed from school for the summer, making them vulnerable to indulgence, sloth, gluttony, and the enticements of various confidence tricksters.

Some, I've even been told, have lately been pre-occupied with bizarre games of skill contained in boxes no bigger than their hands and fired with the electrical power. The perverse object of these electrical challenges is to shoot pretend bullets at moon-men and their traveling vessels, subduing them as though they were the Spanish or some other enemy of the Republic. I am very much opposed to the use of mechanical objects for pleasure, and call for these electrical games to be disassembled.

But I realize that a boy needs to play. My own boy-hood was one of the best any American could have had, for I was a plucky young shaver who engaged in nothing but the most wholesome and vigorous activities! How fondly I recall the merry sports my manly little chums and I would play. Our days were boisterous and full as we played endless games of Mumblety-Peg, Blind-Man's Bluff and Slap-the-Quaker!

Happy Friday, y'all!

Original Programming

This blog used to devote a lot of time to the comic strips and how unfunny they are. Then I discovered the Comics Curmudgeon and realized I couldn't beat the king. But today, I have to share this strip:

This is the greatest thing ever put on the comics page.

Like Rambling Stories About Fish Around Oil Rigs?

Well, then, by all means, vote McCain.

If, on the other hand, you're wondering how the US turned into a socialist country overnight under a Republican administration...you're too smart for your own good.

"Old Boys' Network."

Obama's using lines I wish I had written.

One More Before The Week Starts!

Dear People of Alaska:

Love your state's natural beauty. I hope to fish there one day, and maybe even see a grizzly. I saw a moose last time I was there. Pretty amazing state.

But if you are of such an attitude that you live in Alaska to get away from the lower 48, or escape civilization, or try yourself against the wild, fine. If you're such a fiercely independent, state-of-nature dwelling bunch of folks, who just want to be left alone by the evil federal government, I'm sure you won't mind my advice to you:

Shut up and don't vote in the national elections.
Send us back all the money we've sent north over the years.
Stop sending us your corrupt politicians.

We've got some big challenges in this country. We don't have time for your attitude.

Sincerely,

Frankie Machine

Bring it on, Palin.

Please, Sarah. have your assistant call me and try this.

When Ms. Palin had to cut her first state budget, she avoided the legion of frustrated legislators and mayors. Instead, she huddled with her budget director and her husband, Todd, an oil field worker who is not a state employee, and vetoed millions of dollars of legislative projects.

And four months ago, a Wasilla blogger, Sherry Whitstine, who chronicles the governor’s career with an astringent eye, answered her phone to hear an assistant to the governor on the line, she said.

“You should be ashamed!” Ivy Frye, the assistant, told her. “Stop blogging. Stop blogging right now!”

This post is dedicated to the memory of David Foster Wallace. His collection, A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, made me laugh throughout, and I carried it with me all over Chicago and the South on my many journeys. He was brilliant and innovative and funny as hell. I think of him every time I footnote something.

That's some Mavericky yacht partying.

John McCain. "Celebrity."

My friends, I celebrate my birthdays on yachts with Anne Hathaway. You little people can get bent.

A few facts.

-- John McCain is in bad shape, physically.
-- Every story that comes out about John McCain in this campaign has been about breaches of trust or his corruption. It's either that or stories about him as a POW 40 years ago.
--The enthusiasm for Sarah Palin is held only by those Republicans who attended the convention. There's not much support for her, even in Republican circles.

John McCain is a very weak candidate.

Sarah Palin wanted to ban books.

Nasty little fascist.
Anybody who fears books in libraries has no business leading this country.
Banning books is cowardly, ignorant, and unpatriotic.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Chris Matthews?

Chris Matthews (?!?) of all people decimates the "lipstick on a pig" malarkey.

I love it!

The press is beginning to call McCain and Palin LIARS!

FAIRFAX, Va. - Republican presidential nominee John McCain and his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, equated lawmakers' requests for funding for special projects with corruption on Wednesday even though Palin herself has requested nearly $200 million in so-called "earmarks" this year.

The press may finally be waking up. They're not biting on the "lipstick on a pig" comment, either.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Tax and Spend! Tax and Spend!

(thanks to JC*)





* No, not JC of JC and the Twelve Apostles. The other one.

A Refuge State

Sarah Palin.
Believes.
That Alaska.
Will Be.
A "Refuge State."
In "The Last Days."

God help us all if she's in a position to bring The Last Days about.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Dear Sarah Palin,

I got yer "deference" right here.

Deference? This is America. We got started by taking up arms against the king of England.
We don't do deference.

Wasilla, the Crawford, Texas of the North

A video tour of where Sarah Palin was mayor.

Hells. Yeah.

Why I am voting for real fighters this November.

Last night at the Republican National Convention, John McCain used the word "fight" more than 40 times in his speech.

In the 16 years that we have served together in the Senate, I have seen John McCain fight.

I have seen him fight against raising the federal minimum wage 14 times.

I have seen him fight against making sure that women earn equal pay for equal work.

I have seen him fight against a women's right to choose so consistently that he received a zero percent vote rating from pro-choice organizations.

I have seen him fight against helping families gain access to birth control.

I have seen him fight against Social Security, even going so far as to call its current funding system "an absolute disgrace."

And I saw him fight against the new GI Bill of Rights until it became politically untenable for him to do so.

John McCain voted with President Bush 95 percent of the time in 2007 and 100 percent of the time in 2008 -- that's no maverick.

We do have two real fighters for change in this election -- their names are Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

Barbara Boxer, you are awarded the Frankie Machine Medal of Honor for Sarcasm in the Face of the Elderly.

Appalling Vice Presidential Candidate.

Sarah Palin is "racist, sexist, vindictive, and mean."

So, obviously, a Republican. Go read the story. It's pretty harsh stuff. And tell ALL your friends about it.

No wonder she's hiding up in Alaska right now. It's only a matter of time before she says something truly barbaric to the TV cameras.

Old Man Huggies, keep making decisions like this one, and I might just begin to like you. For helping put a Democrat in the White House.

Fearmonger McCain

Keith is our last best hope for journalistic integrity.

Dear Old Man Huggies

I hope you get a lot of rest after staying up so late to give your little speech.
Because tomorrow, you have a tough enemy waiting for you: Frankie Machine, Sr.
That's right, my father is volunteering for the Obama campaign.
Give up now.

Here's how tough my Pops is:
1. He didn't get a fancy pants education at Episcopal High School. He learned to read and write in a one-room schoolhouse. He was teaching in that one-room school house at age 10. By age 12, that one-room schoolhouse had grown and expanded and is now called Yale.

2. As a two-year old (!) he tried to stow away in his uncle's Navy seabag. There was a war on, you know. When the Japanese heard about this, they surrendered.

3. He has lived his entire life in the wilds of Michigan. I'd like to see you do that.

Frankie Machine, Sr. is the man you pretend to be. He didn't cheat on his wife, or abandon his kids, or crash airplanes. He actually goes to church every Sunday.

And you've made him very, very angry.

Say your prayers, John McCain.

John McCain better watch out!

Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain

Sarah Palin hates America.

Since no Republicans seem to think this is a problem and aren't talking about it...

The founder of the Alaska Independence Party -- a group that has been courted over the years by Sarah Palin, and one her husband was a member of for roughly seven years -- once professed his "hatred for the American government" and cursed the American flag as a "damn flag."

Also, a preacher at her church said the following:

Brickner also described terrorist attacks on Israelis as God's "judgment of unbelief" of Jews who haven't embraced Christianity.

"Judgment is very real and we see it played out on the pages of the newspapers and on the television. It's very real. When [Brickner's son] was in Jerusalem he was there to witness some of that judgment, some of that conflict, when a Palestinian from East Jerusalem took a bulldozer and went plowing through a score of cars, killing numbers of people. Judgment — you can't miss it."

Palin was in church that day, Kroon said, though he cautioned against attributing Brickner’s views to her.

More evidence that conservatives are terrorists.

No way. No how. No McCain.

Grampaw Fred Thompson is back!

There's something both pathetic and hilarious about this picture.



I'm almost sorry I missed his crazy old man harangue.

Almost.

Back to School

Wish me luck, fans!

"Hookers and Blow"

The Republican National Convention is decadent and depraved.

Palin and McCain

My God.
I leave for the weekend, and all hell breaks loose.
Old Man Huggies nominates a little-known governor of Alaska
(there are city blocks in Chicago with higher population than most Alaskan cities)
who supported the bridge to nowhere before she was against it
whose 17-year old daughter is pregnant and will marry the father and keep the baby.

And the Republicans are loving it.

I am going to love January 20, 2009.