Fred Thompson is a scary old man.

There, I said it.
However, one of the memes being kicked around by the people who care way too much about these things is that he evokes a daddy figure, somebody who is strong, and smells manly, and will make us feel secure.
Some strange justifications for Fred Thompson as president come from his former honies:

The Times quotes old flame Lorrie Morgan, who spoke of the man in rather favorable terms. "I think he has a great chance of capturing the women’s vote. He’s majestic. He’s a soft, safe place to be and that could be Fred’s ticket," Morgan said, offering the following rather graphic kicker: "Women love a soft place to lay and a strong pair of hands to hold us."

I'll pause a moment while you go vomit.

Back? Alright. There is only one way to defeat this soft, strong hand juggernaut. The Democrats have to nominate someone just as soft, and just as strong handed, who captures women's hearts and makes weak pansy boys feel secure.

I speak, of course, of B.B. King.


Before you laugh, look at his record.

1. He has been an ambassador for more than 50 years. An ambassador of the blues.

2. Unlike Obama, nobody is going to argue about whether B.B. King is black.

3. Having diabetes, he knows all about health care.

4. He is very giving. I heard that he gave a woman SEVEN children. Unfortunately, the mean-hearted woman wanted to give them back.

5. He has paid the cost. To be the boss.

6. Strong hands. Soft places. He's got them. Look at that picture.

Chortle all you want, but I think Lucille would make a great first lady.