Thursday, January 19, 2006

A little humor

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to science.

The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron , 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312 .

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons , which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You forgot that by nature, Governmentium magnetically attracts a positive ion known as "Contractorium," the only productive and intelligent element in the relationship.

Anonymous said...

This should be printed on slips of paper and air-dropped all over the District, concentrating especially on the area around the Hill. A gem!
Oh, but don't forget the most pathetic form of peon: the Internium.

Anonymous said...

now that i see the links, i'm laughing hard enough to wake the neighbors.

well done!