Coffee.

The dangers of Fundamentalist Christianity to a young Polish man.
My host parents treated me like a five-year-old. They gave me lollipops. They woke me every Sunday morning at 6:15 a.m., saying 'Michael, it's time to go to church.' I hated that sentence. When I didn't want to go to church one morning, because I had hardly slept, they didn't allow me to have any coffee.
That is SO not what Jesus would do.

And now back to business.
Dear Denise Richards:

Good job.
But next time, aim a little better. The elderly can be a surprisingly fast moving target.

Sincerely,

Frankie Machine.